


tell me what your best friends know

by ThunderstormsandMemories



Series: long live the fast times (chatfic extended universe) [1]
Category: Persona 5
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Chatlogs, M/M, Multi, Polyamory, Texting, Trans Character, also background annshiho makoharu and sumitaba, anything that happens in february do not interact, goro akira and sumi are all trans I don't make the rules, mostly canon compliant until third semester, no beta we die like goro, ryuji sakamoto legally cannot say fuck, some discussion of temporary canon character death, spoilers for p5r third semester through january, the gang's all here and yes I'm too lazy to tag all of them, the pt's changing views on akechi from october to january
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-03
Updated: 2020-06-12
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:54:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 24,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24484672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThunderstormsandMemories/pseuds/ThunderstormsandMemories
Summary: in which the Phantom Thieves have three group chats, Ryuji has a crush (or two), and Akechi has some feelings (allegedly)
Relationships: Akechi Goro/Kurusu Akira, Akechi Goro/Kurusu Akira/Sakamoto Ryuji, Akechi Goro/Persona 5 Protagonist, Akechi Goro/Persona 5 Protagonist/Sakamoto Ryuji, Akechi Goro/Sakamoto Ryuji, Kurusu Akira/Sakamoto Ryuji
Series: long live the fast times (chatfic extended universe) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1808446
Comments: 39
Kudos: 209





	1. definitely not the phantom thieves

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the whole fic is done, new chapters will be posted every 2-3 days depending on my schedule and how much editing I need to do

**_definitely not the phantom thieves (8 members, 8 online) - 10/25_ **

**Makoto:** we’ll meet up tomorrow to figure out what our plan is for infiltrating my sister’s palace

 **Makoto:** good night everyone!

 **Akechi:** I look forward to working together. ^_^

**_no cops allowed (7 members, 7 online) - 10/25_ **

**Futaba:** _anyway_

 **Ryuji:** ughhhh

 **Ryuji:** can’t believe he blackmailed us into letting him join like. wtf who even does that

 **Makoto:** to be fair, that _is_ basically what I did also

 **Ryuji:** yeah but u weren’t nearly this smug abt it

 **Ryuji:** I just wanna wipe that dumb smirk off his stupid pretty face

 **Ann:** eyes emoji

 **Futaba:** you know u can just use the actual emoji right

 **Haru:** Oh, so you think that his face is pretty now?

 **Ryuji:** no!!!! it’s just an expression!!!! he sucks and I hate him and he’s a smug insufferable dick and he looks like he spends three hours doing his hair every morning so that it’s perfectly ~artfully disheveled or some bullshit

 **Ann:** eyes emoji intensifies

 **Akira:** he does have nice hair tho

 **Akira:** and also objectively a pretty face. it’s not ryuji’s fault he has eyes and can recognize a hot dude when he sees one

 **Yusuke:** There is no such thing as objective beauty. Your perception of Akechi as pretty is more likely due to your own attraction to him

 **Ryuji:** screw you man

 **Ryuji:** I don’t like him I just have eyes

 **Ryuji:** but his personality is Like That enough that it doesn’t matter how pretty he is. or isn’t

 **Futaba:** isn’t

 **Haru:** Definitely isn’t

 **Makoto:** not even a little bit

 **Ryuji:** yeah but you’re all lesbians of course you don’t understand my pain

 **Yusuke:** I agree with Futaba. This could just be because you’re my friends, but you are all significantly more beautiful in my eyes, especially Akira.

 **Ryuji:** exactly!!!

 **Ryuji:** glad we’re all on the same page here

 **Ryuji:** right joker

 **Akira:** you all realize we’ve been dating for like. four months

 **Akira:** since june

 **Ann:** who, you and yusuke??

 **Akira:** no, me and akechi

_(several people are typing…)_

**Ann:** oh yeah. I knew that

 **Futaba:** yeah me too

 **Futaba:** obviously

 **Ryuji:** what??? and you didn’t tell me????

 **Akira:** I thought I did though? I definitely told you about how we went to the aquarium together? and the jazz club? and that cafe?

 **Ryuji:** yeah but I thought it was just like. as a friend thing and also a getting more information about the suspicious detective without him realizing it thing

 **Ryuji:** y’know. like some cool spy stuff where u gotta befriend the target so he lets down his guard

 **Ann:** wait hang on

 **Ann:** he told you they went to. multiple common date spots and you thought it was platonic??

 **Ryuji:** yeah obviously? akira and I do shit like that together all the time

 **Ann:** okay yeah but you guys are best friends

 **Ann:** you can do more gay stuff w your best friend without it being romo than you can with. some guy you just met

 **Ann:** like shiho and I can cuddle and go to the movies and buy each other icecream and that’s just how our friendship is even though we’re both into girls but if I did that with someone I just met it would mean something else, y’know?

 **Ryuji:** yeah I guess

 **Ryuji:** but come on man I thought you had better taste

 **Ryuji:** he better be a good kisser

 **Ryuji:** to make up for everything else that comes out of his horrible stupid mouth

 **Akira:** he is

 **Akira:** also his hair is really soft

 **Ann:** yeah ok I don’t wanna know any more of this actually

 **Ryuji:** can’t believe you would date a cop I thought you were cooler than this dude

 **Akira:** I mean he’s not technically a cop

 **Futaba:** doubt……

 **Ann:** that’s not really the kind of thing you can ‘well actually’ your way out of

 **Akira:** I’m just saying it’s a lot more complicated than it looks from his interviews you know?

 **Akira:** and it’s more of a private detective kind of deal

 **Futaba:** yeah that sounds like excuses to me

 **Akira:** ok you’re right but anyway that’s not the point, the point is I told you we were talking! and then that we were gonna keep seeing each other!

 **Ryuji:** in like. the vaguest possible way!!! of course I didn’t know wtf you were actually talking about!!!!!

 **Ryuji:** bro!!! u gotta keep me in the loop on this shit!!!

 **Akira:** sorry bro

 **Ryuji:** bro……..

 **Akira:** bro ❤️

 **Haru:** Are they always like this?

 **Makoto:** unfortunately, yes

 **Futaba:** *fortunately

 **Futaba:** 🍿🍿🍿

 **Akira:** morgana wants me to tell you that he knew this whole time and also that he disapproves :/

 **Ryuji:** mona’s right AND he should say it!!!

 **Ryuji:** don’t tell him I said that though..

**_(2 online) - 10/25_ **

**Goro:** Sorry to put you in a difficult situation like that, I hope this doesn’t ruin everything between us

 **Akira:** I mean it’s not like I didn’t know you were investigating us

 **Akira:** but I do have one question

 **Akira:** how long have you known

 **Goro:** I suspected from the beginning that you at least knew who the Phantom Thieves were even if you weren’t actually them

 **Goro:** But I’ve known for sure for a few months

 **Akira:** is that the only reason you approached me

 **Goro:** That’s two questions

 **Goro:** But no

 **Goro:** That was part of it but not just for. Investigation reasons

 **Akira:** yeah? you telling me you like a bad boy? you think me doing crimes is cool and sexy even though you have to pretend to disapprove bc the law says so or whatever?

 **Goro:** …Maybe

 **Goro:** I feel like I should be asking you the same question though

 **Goro:** Is this the only reason you said yes when I asked you out

 **Akira:** nope

 **Akira:** we had like. so many other ways to keep tabs on the investigation

 **Akira:** this was because I like you

 **Goro:** And because you like taking unnecessary risks

 **Akira:** listen the ~mystery and the ~danger of it all just makes it more fun

 **Akira:** huh maybe I like a bad boy too

 **Akira:** also I have another question

 **Goro:** Should I be getting a lawyer? ^_^

 **Akira:** haha

 **Akira:** if you’ve known who we were for months you must’ve been asking yourself that all this time right

 **Akira:** had a least a lil bit of doubt

 **Goro:** I wouldn’t call it doubt

 **Goro:** I knew it was a possibility but I also decided I didn’t care

 **Goro:** By that point I knew you well enough to trust that you were honest about your feelings, if not about your

 **Goro:** Various criminal activities

 **Akira:** awww thanks babe

 **Akira:** you’re so sweet

 **Goro:** Still going to kick your ass at the arcade

 **Goro:** You’d think the leader of the Phantom Thieves would have better gun skills

 **Akira:** oh yeah?? you wanna test that? you wanna go???

 **Goro:** You’re on ^_^

 **Goro:** 💖💖 🔪 💖

 **Goro:** Oops the knife wasn’t supposed to be there

 **Akira:** or was it…..

 **Akira:** 😏

 **Goro:** 😏😏😏

 **Akira:** ok I gotta go now morgana is yelling at me to go to sleep

 **Akira:** I love you good night

 **Goro:** Good night 💖

**_no cops allowed (7 members, 5 online) - 10/26_ **

**Yusuke:** Do you think he became a detective because he shares a name with Kogoro Akechi, the famous fictional detective?

 **Makoto:** that’s not usually why people choose their career paths

 **Makoto:** although I have to admit, the similarities are fascinating

 **Makoto:** between the author's work being known for its homoeroticism and the fact that Kogoro Akechi’s opponent is described as more like Arsène Lupin than Moriarty, considering Akira’s first persona,

 **Futaba:** yes

 **Futaba:** because he’s that much of a goddamn nerd

 **Ryuji:** alternatively do we even know that’s his real name??

 **Ryuji:** we don’t know anything about him he could be lying about that too

 **Makoto:** I guess it could be a ridiculously on-point alias, since we do also have those

 **Ann:** yeah but that’s what everyone calls him all the time

 **Ann:** what’s the point in having an alias if that’s the only name you use

 **Yusuke:** A mask is only useful as long as it can be removed.

 **Ryuji:** yeah great thanks for getting all fake deep or whatever

 **Ryuji:** more importantly is akechi’s name real and just. a wild coincidence or is he that much of a pretentious nerd

 **Ryuji:** @Akira you wanna weigh in

_(Akira is online)_

**Akira:** no comment

 **Futaba:** you’re no fun

 **Ann:** you’re the hacker!!

 **Futaba:** you try getting information on this guy

 **Futaba:** if I didn’t know better I would say he didn’t exist at all until like two years ago

 **Futaba:** seriously there’s just. nothing

 **Futaba:** whoever he’s working for has gotta be seriously powerful bc there’s no way he could just. not have a record like that

 **Futaba:** I don’t care how ~smart and ~competent he is or whatever

 **Futaba:** there’s no way he’s that much better than me without some intense backing from Someone

 **Futaba:** which I thought it why we were getting information out of him in more ~conventional low tech ways @Akira

 **Akira:** no comment

 **Ryuji:** are you gonna. give us anything to go off of here

 **Ryuji:** like. why does he always wear those stupid fancy gloves even inside

 **Ryuji:** what does he think he is,, a hitman in a bad spy movie

 **Akira:** no comment

 **Akira:** except that it’s a good look on him 😏

 **Akira:** to be fair most things are but I do really like those gloves

 **Ann:** didn’t need to know that about you!!!!!!

**_dunking on joker’s dumb bf zone (6 members, 4 online) - 10/26_ **

**Futaba:** ok so

 **Futaba:** since akira’s being such a buzzkill about it

 **Futaba:** here’s a place to make fun of akechi in all the very valid ways that he definitely deserves

 **Ann:** plus it felt kinda rude to constantly say mean stuff about his boyfriend in front of him like that

 **Ryuji:** his boyfriend who blackmailed us and is like. definitely gonna narc on us the second we steal that treasure

 **Ryuji:** seriously I don’t know what he sees in him

 **Ryuji:** like sure he’s pretty but. akira’s pretty too he can do better

 **Yusuke:** Is that so.

 **Yusuke:** It sounds as though you have someone in mind?

 **Ryuji:** what??? no!!!!!!! I’m just saying that as a concerned friend I think he should make better decisions

 **Ann:** Idk maybe that’s part of the appeal

 **Ann:** literally flirting with danger or something

 **Ann:** we all know akira’s always down to take a risk

 **Ann:** also they’ve been together for like. a while now. literally since june

 **Yusuke:** I thought they only started spending time together because Akira thought it was wise to keep a close eye on someone so suspicious.

 **Yusuke:** And now it appears our suspicions were correct.

 **Ann:** yeah but he also has Feelings

 **Futaba:** guess there’s no accounting for taste lol

**_dunking on joker’s dumb bf zone (6 members, 6 online) - 10/27_ **

**Futaba:** show of hands, who here has opinions about opera

 **Futaba:** or theatre, or classical music

 **Futaba:** yusuke do not interact we already know this about you

 **Yusuke:** Surely my expertise is relevant to this discussion then?

 **Futaba:** sure but only if u have the exact opposite opinions ak*chi does

 **Haru:** I used to do ballet and I enjoy going to the theatre. Am I similarly disqualified?

 **Futaba:** you’re valid but only bc ur perfect and I love you

 **Futaba:** also I kinda never wanna hear another word about opera in my entire life

 **Futaba:** ak*chi spent like. three hours talking at akira about all these weird music words and I wanted to throw up in his curry

 **Futaba:** and akira was just??? sitting there smiling at him???? like he thought it was cute??????

 **Futaba:** it was the most insufferable nerd flirting I’ve ever seen in my life

 **Futaba:** why can’t he go back to having bad takes about featherman like a normal person

 **Makoto:** what were his opinions?

 **Makoto:** about music, not about Featherman?

 **Futaba:** Idk I didn’t understand half of what he was saying but he was such a snob about it, hardly anything was good enough for him apparently

 **Futaba:** and he said that carmen is overrated

 **Futaba:** he also. took that as an opportunity to show off because he has a Thing about experiencing something in the original language it’s written in or whatever

 **Futaba:** he reads french and german and english and freaking latin

 **Futaba:** who even speaks latin what the hell’s the point

 **Ann:** can we go back to how he thinks carmen’s overrated

 **Ann:** like I don’t even care about opera but no one talks shit about my persona like that

 **Makoto:** I almost admire him

 **Haru:** That sounds like a polite way of saying you want to crush him…

 **Makoto:** a little academic rivalry is healthy!

 **Ryuji:** yeah whatever

 **Ryuji:** anyway I wanna know his bad featherman takes

 **Ann:** I thought u liked musical theater

 **Ryuji:** shut up!!!

 **Ryuji:** I like musicals bc they’re fun and also some of them have the nostalgia value!!!

 **Ryuji:** opera is for pretentious rich ppl who think they’re better than everyone else bc they can afford tickets and speak five billion languages

 **Futaba:** he thinks that season 2 was the best season of the original and also that the ending of season 3 was bad and should’ve been more tragic

 **Futaba:** also he thinks the reboot is better than the original partially bc it’s darker and edgier

 **Futaba:** oh sorry ““more realistic””

 **Ryuji:** imagine being that wrong

 **Ryuji:** I bet his favorite character in the original is like. that asshole from season 1 or something

 **Ryuji:** you know the one

 **Futaba:** actually it’s grey pigeon and he hates that guy too

 **Ann:** ok that’s valid actually

 **Ann:** grey pigeon being his fave not any of the rest of it

 **Ann:** season 2 was so depressing what the hell

 **Ann:** love that we all knew who you meant by ‘that asshole’ though he was the absolute worst

 **Yusuke:** I’ve only seen the first half of season 2 so far and I agree.

 **Yusuke:** The first season was much better in almost every way.

 **Futaba:** only almost????? season 2 frickin sucked

 **Futaba:** just wait til u get to season 3 though that’s when it gets really good

 **Yusuke:** I appreciated the way that tonal shifts were indicated through color symbolism, as well as the allusions to various works of classical literature.

 **Futaba:** yeah ok nerd go to talk to ak*chi then

 **Futaba:** here in this chat we have only correct tv opinions

 **Ann:** don’t actually talk to akechi though

 **Ann:** we don’t need him to know that we have a separate groupchat just to gossip about him

 **Makoto:** in addition to our group chat for plotting against him

 **Haru:** You don’t need to make it sound so sinister…

 **Makoto:** which we should really be getting back to, actually

 **Ryuji:** whatever mom

 **Ryuji:** hey futaba do u think I can get him to tell us some of his other bad media takes

 **Ryuji:** or at least like. that he’s into embarrassing nerdy shit not just pretentious nerdy shit

 **Ryuji:** like what’s his favorite anime

 **Ryuji:** also do u think he had an emo phase

 **Ann:** you had an emo phase you have no room to talk

 **Futaba:** 👀

_(5 people reacted with 👀)_

**Futaba:** did he do dumb shit to his hair do u have photographic evidence

 **Ann:** it’s all still on facebook babey!!!!

 **Ryuji:** NO

 **Ryuji:** stop making fun of me and go back to making fun of akechi

 **Ryuji:** don’t you think he has the vibes of a man who still secretly listens to mcr

 **Ann:** akira listens to mcr

 **Ryuji:** yeah but akira’s valid and eyeliner is a good look on him

 **Ryuji:** I mean

 **Ryuji:** that isn’t how I meant that to sound

 **Haru:** I think what you’re trying to say is that Akira’s taste in music is valid because he’s genuine about it, while Akechi pretends that he’s too good for anything that doesn’t fit his image even if he actually enjoys it

 **Yusuke:** He’s hiding his true tastes beyond a facade of professionalism, which would be tragic if he weren’t so smug about it.

 **Makoto:** …I also listen to MCR

_(everyone is typing…)_

**_dunking on joker’s dumb bf zone (6 members, 6 online) - 10/28_ **

**Ann:** he just?? tried to mansplain the plural of persona to me???

 **Ryuji:** personas???? what else could it possibly be???????

 **Ann:** personae apparently

 **Ann:** if you’re some horrible pedantic bastard who speaks latin

 **Futaba:** don’t be so pretentious it’s fucking personas

 **Haru:** Futaba!

 **Yusuke:** I was there, Ann is telling the truth

 **Ann:** like I would lie about something like this

 **Ann:** he’s so petty and smug and he corrected me

 **Ann:** on something that doesn’t even matter

 **Ann:** what the actual hell

 **Makoto:** he’s not technically wrong depending on what you mean by ““correct”” but only obnoxious classists care about that kind of thing, let alone correcting someone in casual conversation

 **Makoto:** *classicists

 **Ryuji:** same thing

 **Ann:** also he’s not right!!

 **Ann:** there’s no so thing as ~correct language like. the thing that makes language right is that it can be understood by other ppl who speak that language bc it’s about communication y’know?

 **Ann:** it’s not about whatever arbitrary standard some asshole wants to hold everyone to!!!

 **Ann:** sorry I have. a lot of feelings about how language is taught lmao

 **Makoto:** that’s a good point Ann

 **Makoto:** of course Akechi would be a prescriptivist :/

 **Haru:** You sound disappointed?

 **Makoto:** I thought he was smarter than that tbh

 **Futaba:** yeah I didn’t I’ve seen his private twitter account

 **Futaba:** haven’t found out what his evil plan is yet but wow he sure has issues

**_dunking on joker’s dumb bf zone (6 members, 6 online) - 10/29_ **

**Ryuji:** I can’t decide if it’s really funny or like. really weird

 **Ryuji:** that he wanted his alias to be kurusu like wtf

 **Ryuji:** c’mon. dude. there are easier ways to propose than offering to take their name as your code name

 **Futaba:** yeah so maybe we overestimated him

 **Futaba:** turns out he’s just as stupid about his feelings as akira is

 **Haru:** Have we considered that maybe he’s being honest with us?

 **Haru:** Aside from the fact that he’s been in the Metaverse for longer than he said but there could be an innocent explanation for that. And he does seem to care about Akira, at least.

 **Ann:** yeah did you see him blushing when he realized how that sounded

 **Ann:** I think that’s the most. human I’ve ever seen him look

 **Makoto:** that’s pretty depressing actually

 **Futaba:** yeah this was supposed to the fun chat where we dunk on stupid loser cops

 **Ryuji:** [joker voice] well actually he’s not really a cop he’s only cop-adjacent

 **Ann:** cop-passing

 **Ryuji:** listen he’s working for them that makes him one of them

 **Ryuji:** like have you seen his clothes in the metaverse that’s just a fancy military uniform why is THAT what he thinks a rebel looks like

 **Ann:** not like he has much better taste in the real world either tbh

 **Yusuke:** I thought he looks more like a fairy tale prince, like someone from a Disney film

 **Ann:** again, not very rebellious

 **Futaba:** like a fairy tale prince who’s also a plague doctor

 **Makoto:** isn’t robin hood a disney prince though? so it kind of makes sense in a way?

 **Haru:** No, he’s not. He’s a Disney hero which is different, he doesn’t meet the qualifications to be a Disney prince

 **Yusuke:** Also, Disney’s Robin Hood doesn’t dress like that

 **Futaba:** of course you know that

 **Yusuke:** What do you mean

 **Futaba:** oh you know. just that you have a fox fursona I mean persona and that movie was like. everyone’s furry awakening

 **Ann:** also in case anyone’s interested haru’s right, I just googled it and apparently robin hood’s not an ~official disney prince because he’s ““not human”” and ‘“a fox””

 **Futaba:** damn. discrimination against furries strikes again

 **Futaba:** sorry you’re so oppressed inari

 **Haru:** We can’t assume that everyone who has an animal mask in the Metaverse is a furry, that would implicate half of our group

 **Ann:** yeah you can’t make assumptions about me like that, it’s just a cool mask is all

 **Ryuji:** and a tail…..

 **Ann:** shut up!!!!!

 **Futaba:** I just meant because he’s also an art student

 **Futaba:** but also ur not wrong lol

 **Ann:** anyway back to akechi’s bad fashion sense

 **Ann:** I kinda think it’s maybe more like a marching band uniform tbh??

 **Ann:** except not horribly un-flattering

 **Ryuji:** honestly that’s like. his usual thing

 **Ryuji:** shouldn’t look good but he pulls it off

 **Ann:** you got something you wanna tell us

 **Ryuji:** nope

 **Ryuji:** absolutely not at all even a little bit anyway let’s change the subject

 **Ann:** no I’m very curious about your opinions on akechi’s clothing choices

 **Ann:** because I think they’re bad and he should do better

 **Ann:** but something tells me you might disagree lol

 **Ryuji:** he wears sweater vests ann do you really think I would have anything positive to say about that

 **Ann:** you might be into the nerdy softboy look!!!! I don’t know!!!!!

 **Haru:** Akira apparently is, and I wouldn’t have expected that of him.

 **Ryuji:** he’s not a softboy he’s a prettyboy there’s a difference

 **Ann:** ok whatever I’m still judging you

 **Futaba:** same

 **Ann:** I’m even into men and I don’t think he’s pretty

 **Ann:** maybe if he did something cool to his hair ever or like. didn’t wear so much beige

 **Ann:** it does Not complement his complexion

 **Makoto:** in fairness that’s his school uniform color though, for once something isn’t actually his fault

 **Futaba:** then he should’ve picked a different school

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title is from Keep the Change You Filthy Animal by All Time Low (technically the line is "tell me what your best friend knows" but like. whatever. same vibes)
> 
> the hardest part of the writing process was keeping track of how many people should be in each groupchat at any given time lmao
> 
> next chapter should be up on Thursday, in which there will be some angst (in general this isn't an especially angsty fic but. y'know. it follows canon events to a certain point and there sure are some things that happen in canon and I sure do have so many feelings and emotions) (originally this was just supposed to be this one chapter and it was gonna be all fun shenanigans but. I'm very emo so you get a little bit of sadness too. as a treat)
> 
> my frustrations with the Crow outfit are very petty and almost entirely based on my own personal cosplay woes like. it's visually a very nice costume but finding a pattern I could use for it was more effort than I wanted it to be and I'm still very scared of how. unforgiving all that white fabric is gonna be
> 
> some of the stuff about the etymology of Akechi's name is on his wiki page but the stuff about homoeroticism in Edogawa Ranpo's work comes from an academic essay one of my friends sent me about homoeroticism in early 20th century Japanese literature
> 
> I started writing this over a month ago and kinda accidentally finished it in time for Goro's birthday so. enjoy


	2. knife emoji x 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this is the sad chapter, sorry y'all, there's lots of oblivious pining Ryuji to make up for it, and also friends loving and supporting and gently roasting each other, the next two chapters are a lot more fun I promise
> 
> this is the section that the content warnings apply to so: discussions of grief and temporary canon character death, questionable coping mechanisms including underage alcohol consumption (deals w the events of November and December so like. y'know. fun stuff) (Idk why I'm being so coy abt this if you're reading this you already know that Goro dies and also comes back it's fine he's fine he was just taking a lil vacation in the metaverse for a hot minute)

**_no cops allowed (7 members, 3 online) - 11/1_ **

**Futaba:** @Everyone get ur asses to leblanc there’s something you all need to hear

 **Futaba:** too important for text

 **Yusuke:** Will do

 **Ryuji:** be there in like 15 minutes

 **Ryuji:** ann’s with me rn she’ll be there too

_(Makoto is online)_

**Makoto:** I’m at a student council thing, I’ll be there as soon as I can

 **Futaba:** cancel it

 **Futaba:** this is serious

 **Makoto:** ok

_(Makoto is offline)_

_(Ryuji is offline)_

_(Haru is online)_

**Yusuke:** Actually I don’t think I can afford to take the train

 **Futaba:** it’s an Emergency

 **Haru:** I’ll cover you. You have PayPal right?

 **Yusuke:** Yes

 **Yusuke:** Thank you

 **Haru:** I’m assuming this is about Akechi?

 **Futaba:** yeah it’s

 **Futaba:** I guess we shouldn’t be surprised but uh

 **Futaba:** yikes

**_dunking on joker’s dumb bf zone (6 members, 6 online) - 11/1_ **

_(Futaba changed the name of the chat to ‘🔪🔪🔪’)_

 **Ryuji:** shit

 **Ryuji:** I know I know we’re doing all the planning in the main chat but like. wtf

 **Ann:** I feel so bad for akira :(((

 **Yusuke:** As do I

 **Ann:** like. how would you feel if you found out your bf was plotting your murder

 **Yusuke:** I don’t have a boyfriend.

 **Ann:** that’s not the point!! it was a rhetorical question!!! pretty goddamn bad is how I think it would feel

 **Ryuji:** guess we know why he wears those dumb hitman gloves all the time

 **Ryuji:** stupid smug flashy bastard

 **Ryuji:** wtf

 **Ryuji:** I thought

 **Ryuji:** you know that might be the worst part of this

 **Ryuji:** I was really starting to think he actually cared

 **Ann:** he must be. an amazing actor though like I know that akira knew he was up to something but how did he miss that it was something this big

 **Ryuji:** yeah like. he’s not pretty enough to overlook murder

 **Futaba:** yeah I’ve heard how they talk to each other when we’re fighting, bold of u to assume he doesn’t consider that a plus

 **Ryuji:** like not to kinkshame but

 **Ann:** oh I’m kinkshaming

 **Makoto:** regardless, I think that Akira knows what he’s doing, he’s reckless but he’s not a complete idiot. usually

 **Makoto:** I think he’s suspected it was something like this for a while and I don’t think this will change his plan

 **Haru:** I’m worried about him.

 **Ann:** we all are

 **Ann:** but I think you’re right makoto like I know we all joke him being an entire useless bisexual but he’s actually really good at all this scheming and planning stuff

 **Yusuke:** I suppose some of the… more cryptic things Akechi said make sense now.

 **Yusuke:** All of those metaphors about victory and defeat, how he spoke of everything from billiards to relationships to art as a battle to be won

 **Yusuke:** Imagine how exhausting it must be to live like that.

 **Futaba:** yeah more like it’s exhausting for us to hear his bad metaphors all the time while he’s probably like. cackling to himself about foreshadowing his own evil heel face turn

 **Futaba:** least subtle plot twist ever

 **Ryuji:** I guess if the whole ~being a murderer~ thing doesn’t work out for him he could always become everyone’s least favorite lit professor

 **Makoto:** I think it’s likely more complicated than that

 **Makoto:** I can’t shake the feeling that we’re missing some context, besides just the obvious question about his ultimate goals or who he’s working for

 **Makoto:** obviously protecting Akira takes priority but I can’t help thinking there’s something bigger happening here

 **Ann:** yeah like some of his cryptic bullshit definitely sounded more like cries for help than threats

 **Ann:** and whenever joker got hurt in combat he completely loses it

 **Futaba:** maybe he just doesn’t want a shadow killing joker before he has a chance to murder him to death

_(3 people reacted with 🔪)_

**_(2 online) - 11/4_ **

**Ryuji:** are you still ok with. y’know

 **Akira:** it’s not like I didn’t know it had to be something like this, right?

 **Ryuji:** yeah I guess

 **Ryuji:** but you’re allowed to feel messed up over it anyway

 **Ryuji:** and like I know our plan is supposed to be to pretend we don’t know and keep acting normal but like. no one would blame you for wanting to uh

 **Ryuji:** spend less time with someone who’s plotting to kill you

 **Akira:** thanks

 **Ryuji:** anytime man

 **Ryuji:** I know you prob wouldn’t wanna dump this on everyone but you always listen to all of our problems and someone should do that for you

 **Ryuji:** so I’m here

 **Akira:** ok

 **Akira:** so I think the thing is

 **Akira:** I’m not surprised that this was the plan, and I know he was probably playing me from the beginning

 **Akira:** but I really did think we had gotten through to each other, y’know?

 **Akira:** like I know how this sounds but there was something real there

 **Akira:** no one is that good of an actor, not even him

 **Akira:** honestly he’s not even really that good of a liar or an actor at all, it’s just different versions of himself and different ways of looking at the truth

 **Ryuji:** that’s deep bro

 **Ryuji:** but yeah that makes sense

 **Ryuji:** you saw a side of him none of the rest of us did

 **Akira:** yeah

 **Akira:** like we were together for over 5 months that’s a reasonable amount of time to fall in love with someone

 **Ryuji:** yeah def

 **Akira:** he even asked me to leave the phantom thieves with him after this mission is over

 **Ryuji:** dude

 **Ryuji:** he WHAT

 **Akira:** I said no obviously

 **Ryuji:** obviously

 **Akira:** but he definitely meant it

 **Akira:** to be fair I also meant it when I asked him to stay here with me instead

 **Ryuji:** DUDE

**_no traitors allowed (7 members, 6 online) - 11/10_ **

**Makoto:** he’s been pretty distant recently, and he seemed kind of distracted in mementos today, do you think he knows we’re onto him?

 **Akira:** no it’s just we kind of broke up a few days ago

 **Akira:** I mean, he’s pretty smart so he might also know that we’re planning something

 **Akira:** but also I think he dumped me

 **Ryuji:** oh no bro are you ok????

 **Akira:** physically yes

 **Yusuke:** What do you mean ‘you think?’ Surely you’re either together or you’re not

 **Akira:** well he said he had to talk to me about something so we went to mementos to get some privacy

 **Makoto:** already a suspicious start

 **Akira:** not really, we hang out in mementos sometimes

 **Akira:** morgana wants me to make sure you know that by hang out I mean make out

 **Ann:** thanks mona

 **Ann:** getting us the important facts

 **Akira:** anyway we were in mementos and he challenged me to a duel, I beat him, he said he hated me and challenged me to a rematch at. an unspecified later time I guess

 **Haru:** I’m not an expert but I think if he hates you, that probably means your relationship is over…

 **Haru:** *hugs*

 **Haru:** I’m sorry that you have to go through all of this, but we’re here for you 💕

 **Akira:** thanks

 **Akira:** but I don’t think he actually hates me

 **Akira:** like there’s a certain amount of ~getting close to someone that makes sense for investigation purposes, from both of us

 **Akira:** but we both kinda went way past that

 **Ann:** you did also specifically tell me that you were into ~the inherent homoeroticism of 3d chess

 **Haru:** Isn’t 3D chess just normal chess?

 **Ann:** oops yeah lmao I meant 4d chess

 **Ann:** not that regular chess isn’t also pretty homoerotic tbh I know things I’ve seen xmen

 **Yusuke:** And yet somehow Hifumi can talk about shogi without making it into a metaphor for a relationship.

 **Ryuji:** are you implying that ak*chi is magneto

 **Ann:** absolutely not

 **Ann:** akira has to be magneto, professor x is too much of a centrist for him

 **Akira:** you know me so well

 **Ann:** <333

 **Akira:** ❤️ 😎 👉👉

 **Ann:** want me to bring you some ice cream? I was gonna get some for myself anyway

 **Akira:** sure

 **Akira:** morgana says to bring enough for him too

 **Ryuji:** can cats even eat icecream

 **Yusuke:** Morgana is not a cat, that’s so insensitive of you

_(Ann is offline)_

_(Akira is offline)_

_(Futaba is online)_

**Futaba:** damn what did I miss

 **Futaba:** muted the chat for one (1) mmo event and I miss all the drama

 **Futaba:** @Akira don’t you dare eat all the ice cream without me I’m coming over too

 **Haru:** Aren’t you lactose intolerant?

 **Futaba:** do I look like a coward

**_🔪🔪🔪 (6 members, 5 online) - 11/10_ **

**Ryuji:** Idk this is prob gonna sound kinda petty and it sucks bc I feel for akira and I wanna be here for him but I can’t help thinking that it’s like. probably not a bad thing that they broke up?

 **Ryuji:** like this is already gonna be super messy

 **Ryuji:** and I guess breaking up like two weeks before won’t make it Not messy but like

 **Ryuji:** Idk it seems real rough to be actively dating someone you know is gonna try to kill you

 **Ryuji:** but also I know I’m not really objective here bc I never really thought he was good enough for akira

 **Ryuji:** like he’s pretty but he’s a jerk and akira deserves someone who appreciates him

 **Makoto:** I’m sorry about your crush on akira, but please don’t let it distract you from what we need to do

 **Futaba:** yeah sorry you’re still coming second to a guy who’s literally planning his death

 **Ryuji:** what??? I don’t have a crush what are you talking about

 **Yusuke:** Futaba, that was a little bit harsh even for you

 **Haru:** Agreed, after all, Ryuji can’t help his feelings any more than Akira can

 **Ryuji:** what feelings!!!! I don’t have feelings!!!! except friendship obviously you guys are great and akira’s my best friend of course I care about him and want him to have a boyfriend who treats him right!!!

 **Futaba:** yeah sure

 **Futaba:** ur definitely not jealous bc ak*chi got to kiss him and you didn’t

 **Ryuji:** listEN

 **Ryuji:** it’s not about that!!

 **Ryuji:** I mean maybe it’s a little bit about that but like. I don’t have a problem w akira kissing other people it’s just. why did it have to be stupid prettyboy traitor detective man

 **Ryuji:** can’t he go back to kissing like. ann or yusuke or mishima

 **Ryuji:** anyone but him

 **Futaba:** fascinating how ur still calling ak*chi pretty

 **Ryuji:** people can be pretty and also evil

 **Ryuji:** not that he’s like. evil necessarily but I can still hate him and also recognize that he’s kinda hot

 **Yusuke:** As an artist I can appreciate that beauty can be found in many unlikely places. However, I think you’re the only one here who holds that opinion

 **Futaba:** rip @ ryuji

 **Ryuji:** oof

**_🔪🔪🔪 (6 members, ) - 11/20_ **

_(Ann changed the name of the chat to ‘big stress about joker hours’)_

 **Ann:** ok this is now the chat where we stress about joker where he won’t see it when he gets his phone back and feel guilty

 **Ann:** bc you know he will and that’s the last thing he needs to worry abt right now

 **Makoto:** yeah, remember how he said he considered not telling everyone what he and Morgana and Futaba found out? so that he wouldn’t worry us?

 **Futaba:** also partially to make it more believable like. especially considering ann’s acting skills

 **Ann:** HEY

 **Ann:** but yeah he spends so much time worrying abt us but he doesn’t like ppl worrying abt him

 **Haru:** Unfortunately for him, he can’t stop us from being concerned

 **Haru:** I understand he doesn’t want to be overwhelmed by all of our attention which is why we’re talking here but still. We should make sure he knows how much we care about him when he gets back

 **Ann:** yeah <3

 **Ryuji:** we can still dunk on akechi though right

 **Ryuji:** or at least call him lots of really rude names

 **Ryuji:** which is honestly the least he deserves

 **Futaba:** no power on earth or metaverse will stop me from dunking on akechi

 **Futaba:** stupid idiot traitor bastard man g*ro ak*chi and his stupid smug smile

 **Futaba:** probably thinks he’s so clever with his evil masterplan and his bad metaphors and his stupid gloves

 **Futaba:** thinks he’s so much smarter than us silly criminals or whatever

 **Ann:** we’ll show him!!

 **Ryuji:** hell yeah we will

 **Makoto:** I keep reminding myself that this is going exactly according to plan but I’m still so nervous

 **Futaba:** hey if none of you can sleep either wanna come over to leblanc?

 **Ann:** phantom thief sleepover!!!!

 **Haru:** Phantom Thief-over, if you will

 **Futaba:** I won’t

 **Yusuke:** That’s a great idea

 **Yusuke:** Actually never mind, the trains aren’t running anymore and I don’t have enough money to get an Uber

 **Haru:** Makoto and I can pick you up!

 **Haru:** Actually, we can pick everyone up!

 **Yusuke:** Thank you, Haru and Makoto!

 **Ann:** yeah thanks!!! Ur a sweetheart and a delight!!!!!

 **Makoto:** I know, isn’t she? 💞

 **Haru:** 💞💖💕

 **Haru:** I know things are rough right now but we’ll get through it together

 **Futaba:** with the power of friendship

 **Futaba:** and also the power of haru being the best

 **Ryuji:** ugh I hate this tho

 **Ryuji:** I hate waiting so much I wish I could’ve gone instead :////

 **Ann:** then we would all be sitting here worrying abt you

**_no traitors allowed (7 members, 3 online) - 11/22_ **

**Futaba:** guess we don’t really need this chat anymore huh

 **Yusuke:** Good riddance

 **Ryuji:** hope that was the last we see of him

 **Makoto:** somehow I doubt that :/

**_big stress about joker hours (6 members, 4 online) - 12/6_ **

**Yusuke:** So that was unexpected

 **Ann:** yeah that sure could’ve gone better

 **Ann:** I’m not shocked we saw him again but. like that

 **Makoto:** does anyone know how akira’s doing

 **Makoto:** or where he is

 **Makoto:** I would go check on him myself but haru’s staying with me and I don’t want to leave her alone right now

 **Makoto:** and he’s not answering his phone which is valid but also concerning given the situation

 **Ryuji:** yeah

 **Ryuji:** I’m with him

 **Ryuji:** he uh. got home and immediately laid down on the floor

 **Ryuji:** morgana is sitting on his chest and purring

 **Ryuji:** could be worse?

 **Makoto:** good to hear, thank you ryuji

_(Makoto is offline)_

**Ann:** a cat makes everything better!!!

 **Ann:** not that mona is a cat but. you know what I mean

 **Ryuji:** yeah

 **Ryuji:** unfortunately I think he would claw my face off if I tried to pet him but. he and akira look very very soft right now

 **Ann:** akira always looks very soft tbh

 **Ann:** that fluffy hair

 **Yusuke:** Except as Joker

 **Yusuke:** Then I would describe him as more ‘striking’ than soft’

 **Yusuke:** Maybe even ‘stunning’

 **Ryuji:** anyway

 **Ryuji:** we all know joker is hot

 **Ryuji:** WAIT IMPORTANT UPDATE

 **Ryuji:** morgana let me give him neck scritches and his fur is so soft holy shit

 **Ryuji:** also akira is just straight up asleep on the floor now

 **Ann:** I know he needs to rest rn but I’m worried abt him messing up his neck if he sleeps on the floor for too long

 **Ryuji:** yeah I’ll carry him to bed as soon as mona lets me

 **Ryuji:** but he’s apparently very comfy right now and it’s ““illegal to move a comfortable cat””

 **Ann:** oh so he’s only a cat when it suits him I see

 **Ann:** anyway I need to sleep now too but tell akira I love him <3

 **Yusuke:** Same here

 **Ryuji:** morgana says he’s offended u don’t also love him

 **Ann:** of course I love you mona!!!!!!

 **Ann:** and you too ryuji!!!!!! <3

 **Yusuke:** As do I

_(Yusuke is offline)_

**Ryuji:** yeah same here

 **Ryuji:** morgana also says to go to sleep

 **Ann:** <3 <3 <3

 **Ann:** lmk if y’all want me to stop by tomorrow!!!!

 **Ryuji:** I’ll ask akira next time he’s awake

 **Ann:** sounds good!!

_(Ann is offline)_

_(Ryuji is offline)_

**_definitely not the phantom thieves (7 members, 7 members) - 12/10_ **

**Makoto:** how’s everyone holding up?

 **Ann:** tired………

 **Ann:** I’ve been having so much trouble sleeping recently

 **Haru:** Same here….. I have some herbal tea that’s been helping, though, if you wanted to try that out

 **Ann:** yes please!!!! you’re the best!!!!! <3

 **Haru:** 💖💕

 **Futaba:** I’m the opposite lmao

 **Futaba:** feels like all I can ever do is sleep

 **Yusuke:** I know we’re all very busy but I think it might be a good idea for us to try therapy

 **Ann:** yeah a bunch of us have been going to the school counselor at shujin

 **Ann:** he’d probably meet w you also if you asked though!!! you and futaba also!!

 **Yusuke:** That might be worth pursuing…

 **Akira:** Idk maruki’s cool and all but I’m not sure if he can really help w the kind of stuff we’re dealing with

 **Akira:** not to discourage anyone else though, maybe he’ll be able to help you

 **Ann:** sorry he hasn’t been able to help you though <3

 **Akira:** it’s fine, I’m coping

 **Akira:** and I’m more motivated than ever to do what we need to do to take down shido

 **Ryuji:** hell yeah same here

 **Ann:** me too!!

 **Makoto:** just make sure you’re all taking care of yourselves

 **Ann:** you too!!! make sure you take care of yourself and not just us!!!!

**Makoto: 💞**

**_big stress about joker hours (6 members, 6 online) - 12/10_ **

**Makoto:** ok for real this time: how’s akira doing

 **Makoto:** I’m super worried about him

 **Ryuji:** honestly surprisingly well, y’know, considering

 **Ryuji:** like yeah he’s been wanting some time to himself and he went back to some places they went on dates the other day but like. he’s mourning

 **Ann:** didn’t he spend like. several hours at that jazz club

 **Ann:** he was def tipsy when he was texting me, Idk how he got them to serve him but he doesn’t usually drink so I was a lil worried

 **Haru:** Oh dear

 **Ryuji:** yeah but. he’s been a lot more himself after that so maybe it helped

 **Ryuji:** apparently the bartender knows akechi pretty well so he could get whatever he wanted there and once he brought akira there that kinda just. carried over to him too

 **Ryuji:** but yeah no he’s def still real upset but also I’m p sure he meant it when he said he was coping and also just. really really extra motivated now

 **Makoto:** anger is a stage of grief

 **Ryuji:** yeah but it’s also a fair response to all the bullshit that shido personally has caused him to go through

 **Makoto:** true

 **Makoto:** still, that doesn’t stop me from worrying

 **Ann:** does anything stop you from worrying?

 **Makoto:** no not really :/

 **Futaba:** f

 **Ryuji:** f

 **Ann:** that’s rough buddy

 **Ann:** but also hey ryuji how are you holding up

 **Ann:** since you’ve been spending so much time looking after akira

 **Ryuji:** oh u know me, just keep on keepin on

 **Makoto:** and now the real answer please

 **Ryuji:** Idk everything is really weird and I’m just hoping that akira keeps it together and we all kick shido’s ass and then everything gets better

 **Ryuji:** but I just. don’t know

 **Ryuji:** they played an interview clip from him on the news the other day

 **Ryuji:** some recap of the phantom thieves stuff Idk

 **Ryuji:** and I had to leave the room like. I couldn’t ask my mom to turn it off what was I gonna say,, I didn’t wanna think abt my bf’s dead ex

 **Yusuke:** You and Akira are together now? How am I always the last to know these things?

 **Ann:** haven’t you seen how they’ve been acting???

 **Ann:** always holding hands and leaning on each other and stuff????

 **Ryuji:** in yusuke’s defense we kinda always did that

 **Ryuji:** but yes we are officially actually dating now

 **Ryuji:** as of a few weeks ago

 **Ryuji:** after he came back from jail but not like. long after

 **Futaba:** 👀👀👀

 **Yusuke:** 👁️👁️

 **Ryuji:** ok fine he kissed me that night that I stayed w him at leblanc right after he came back and we’ve just kinda. been together ever since then

 **Yusuke:** Congratulations!

 **Futaba:** hell yeah 🎉🎉🎉

 **Ann:** <3

 **Haru:** I’m happy for you both!

 **Makoto:** same here!!

**_definitely not the phantom thieves (7 members, 7 online) - 12/10_ **

**Ann:** Idk it just kind of messes me up to think that we’re the only ones who are gonna mourn him or even like. notice he’s gone

 **Ann:** oops sorry I don’t know if this is like. the place to say that I don’t wanna be insensitive but I felt like I need to say that to someone y’know?

 **Ryuji:** yeah no I def feel you on that one

 **Akira:** I’m not as fragile as any of you think, I’m not gonna fall apart if I read his name

 **Ann:** I know that!!!!! but I still wanna be thoughtful!!!! we’re ur friends and we care and we don’t wanna hurt you!!!! especially when you’re already going through some shit!!!!

 **Akira:** thanks 🖤

 **Akira:** but seriously I don’t mind talking about him with you guys

 **Akira:** even if you hate him which would be fair of you, at least you remember that he existed

 **Akira:** or like. was a person and not just a celebrity who only mattered during his fifteen minutes of fame

 **Haru:** I don’t hate him, I don’t think. It’s a lot more complicated than that…

 **Haru:** I cared about my father, and I would like to believe that he cared about me, as naive as that sounds, but I did love him anyway. And even with everything he did, I wanted him to have a chance to change and do better, and a chance for me to forgive him or at least reconcile the version of him that I cared about with everything he had done, and I’m upset that the chance to do that was taken from me.

 **Haru:** And the more I think about my father in those terms, the more I realize that applies to how I feel about Akechi as well

 **Haru:** I don’t know if I could’ve forgiven him but I think we both deserved for me to be able to try

 **Makoto:** yeah it’s. real hard to get closure from someone who’s gone

 **Makoto:** *hugs*

 **Haru:** 💕💖💕💖💕

_(6 people reacted with 💕)_

**Ann:** but yeah it really sucks that he’s dead

 **Ann:** and we couldn’t even do anything!!!

 **Ann:** I just wish we could’ve convinced him to come w us faster and then we could. actually have this conversation w him instead of about him y’know?

 **Ann:** wish we could’ve been friends for real

 **Makoto:** same

 **Makoto:** not to give someone credit for being less of an asshole than they could have been but if he really had known about us for at least a few months like he said. he easily could’ve told Shido who we are and had us all. ruined and/or killed a long time ago

 **Ryuji:** he def said some stuff abt like. how the person behind the shutdowns wasn’t doing it of their own free will

 **Ryuji:** I know how this sounds but what if he was kinda trying to warn us??? or at least ask us for help????

 **Ryuji:** Idk I know maybe tv interviews aren’t the greatest source of like. how someone actually thinks but

 **Ann:** no I feel u :(

 **Makoto:** yeah it’s not like he was being especially subtle, I knew he was up to something the whole time

 **Futaba:** yeah same

 **Akira:** me too

 **Akira:** but then again he knew about me and we still

 **Akira:** I don’t know

 **Akira:** look he already had us with the blackmail he didn’t need us to be in love and I don’t know if that makes any of this better or worse

_(6 people reacted with 💕)_

**Yusuke:** I suppose he could have just been toying with you but that doesn’t seem consistent with either his actions at the time or everything we know now

 **Ann:** also it seems like kind of a weird move if ur seducing someone for ur own agenda to break up w them before ur plan actually comes together

 **Makoto:** yeah like. sounds more like a guilty conscience and/or second thoughts to me

 **Akira:** yeah…..

_(Akira is offline)_

**_definitely not the phantom thieves (7 members, 7 online) - 12/24_ **

**Akira:** so akechi’s alive

_(6 people reacted with 👀)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have not known peace since I saw Akechi's rank 8 in p5r and also I've watched Proof of Justice so many times...... I don't have a problem I just have lots of feelings............ I love him and I'm very very emo.................
> 
> the chat app they're using is. basically discord but without fun custom nicknames bc I didn't wanna have to come up w those for everyone lmao
> 
> next chapter is gonna be posted on Sunday ft. Akechi learning how friendship works


	3. (akechi is offline)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haru and Akechi have lots of neat painful parallels and in this essay I will,
> 
> (alternate summary: in which it's Ryuji's turn with the emotional intelligence braincell)

**_definitely not the phantom thieves (7 members, 7 online) - 12/24_ **

**Akira:** so akechi’s alive

_(6 people reacted with 👀)_

_(everyone is typing…)_

**Futaba:** WHAT

 **Ann:** excuse me!!!!!!!

 **Ryuji:** the hell?????????

 **Yusuke:** Is this some kind of joke?

 **Makoto:** how is that possible?

 **Haru:** How do you know?

 **Futaba:** more importantly, what the actual hell

 **Akira:** so sae showed up right after you guys all left

 **Akira:** and she said that she couldn’t prosecute shido with only the evidence they had so she wanted me to turn myself in to testify

 **Ryuji:** no?????

 **Ann:** hell no

 **Yusuke:** After everything that happened to you last time?

 **Akira:** yeah but if it was the only way…….

 **Makoto:** please tell me you didn’t agree to that

 **Akira:** I uh. didn’t get a chance

 **Akira:** because that’s when akechi showed up

 **Akira:** and he offered to be the one to turn himself in and testify instead of me

 **Akira:** so uh. good news I don’t have to go to prison and also he’s alive

 **Futaba:** fellas is it gay to non-fatally sacrifice urself so that another man doesn’t have to

 **Ann:** literally yes

 **Ryuji:** when that man is someone you were dating, definitely

 **Makoto:** I’m glad that he’s taking responsibility for his actions though

 **Ann:** yeah but it still sucks that he’s in jail

 **Ryuji:** like. wasn’t a big part of us becoming phantom thieves the fact that we couldn’t trust the system to actually punish the right ppl?

 **Yusuke:** To me it was never about punishment, it was about preventing further harm

 **Ann:** conceptually ur right and like. I’m w ryuji that putting akechi in prison doesn’t actually like. accomplish anything like. at this point I really don’t think he’s gonna hurt anyone else considering. y’know. the circumstances of why he did everything in the first place

 **Ann:** so it’s not gonna do anything besides actively preventing him from like. doing better and making amends or whatever

 **Ann:** but also like. I def joined the phantom theives specifically bc I wanted to kick kamoshida’s ass and honestly?? if mona and akira hadn’t been there I prob would’ve killed him

 **Ann:** Idk if I could’ve stopped myself y’know?

 **Ryuji:** can’t blame u there

 **Ryuji:** I woulda really wanted to

 **Ryuji:** I couldn’t have gone through w it though I don’t think

 **Haru:** That’s entirely valid of both of you

 **Makoto:** yes but I think we’re missing the point here

 **Makoto:** which is that we, as individuals, can think that exceptions need to be made

 **Makoto:** and that we can say that we don’t want Akechi to go to prison or that he doesn’t deserve to because we know him and we don’t want that for him

 **Makoto:** but that’s not how the legal system works

 **Ann:** hot take maybe how the law works is bad

 **Akira:** and we all know the legal system is always correct and definitely not set up to protect the interests of people in power /sarcasm

 **Ryuji:** yeah the system’s effed up that’s why we had to exist in the first place

 **Ryuji:** that’s what I’ve been trying 2 say!!!

 **Yusuke:** Regardless, there’s not much that we can do about the injustices inherent in the entire criminal justice system by ourselves, so this is all purely hypothetical

 **Futaba:** for now…….

 **Makoto:** futaba please tell me you’re not actively planning to overthrow the government

 **Futaba:** not actively,,,

_(5 people reacted with 👀)_

**_(2 online) - 1/3_**

**Akira:** hey can I talk to you about something

 **Akechi:** I physically can’t stop you so why not

 **Akira:** this might be kind of awkward and I’m sorry

 **Akechi:** Just say whatever you have to say already

 **Akira:** so I started dating ryuji uhhhhh like six weeks ago

 **Akira:** and he doesn’t remember that now

 **Akira:** I guess as part of maruki’s illusion we never had to be the phantom thieves and he never got kicked off the track team or anything and apparently that means we never got together

 **Akechi:** Huh

 **Akechi:** Interesting

 **Akechi:** Sorry to hear that your rebound didn’t work out

 **Akira:** akechi…….

 **Akechi:** I’m sorry

 **Akechi:** For real this time

 **Akira:** yeah

 **Akira:** I know there’s nothing I can do except wait and hope he remembers but still

 **Akechi:** It’s still fucked up that maruki thinks a happy reality means one where you all never became friends the way you were

 **Akira:** oh are you saying that now you see the value of the power of friendship and loving your friends

 **Akechi:** I’m saying I see the strategic advantage to forming closer bonds with a group of people who share your goals and ideals

 **Akira:** uh huh sure

 **Akechi:** Fine maybe I do see why someone would want that for emotional reasons as well as tactical ones

 **Akechi:** But that someone isn’t me

 **Akira:** it could be

_(Akechi is offline)_

**_(2 online) - 1/11_ **

**Ryuji:** dude just chill out and join the groupchat it’s not a big deal

 **Ryuji:** we gotta be able to plan stuff

 **Akechi:** Still

 **Akechi:** I wouldn’t want to intrude

 **Ryuji:** yeah I think we’re past that point

 **Ryuji:** it’s not intruding if we want you there which we do

 **Ryuji:** but also if you’re gonna be part of the group

 **Ryuji:** even temporarily!!! I know!!! don’t bite my head off!!!!

 **Ryuji:** you should prob talk to haru and futaba

 **Ryuji:** and by talk to I mean apologize

 **Ryuji:** also to akira but I’m gonna go ahead and assume you’ve prob already done that since you seemed pretty close at the meeting

 **Akechi:** Yes, akira suggested that too

 **Akechi:** I told him there was no point, since there’s not much chance of being forgiven so I’m not gonna waste all of our time trying

 **Akechi:** Anyway would you like to clarify what you meant by “close”

_(Ryuji is typing…)_

_(Ryuji is typing…)_

_(Akechi is typing…)_

_(Ryuji is typing…)_

**Ryuji:** just like. real in sync and on the same page and stuff y’know?

 **Ryuji:** like you’ve always been when we’re fighting but now in real life too

 **Ryuji:** and just so you know. it’s not as hopeless as u think? like it’s not even abt forgiveness or whatever it’s that like. everyone cares abt you and they’ll respect you for trying to do the right thing

 **Ryuji:** like. you got a second chance and we’re all rooting for you to make the best of it, y’know?

 **Ryuji:** Idk it’s not my place to speak for anyone else but. I consider you to be one of us for real and I wish you could’ve been there to see everything through to the end

 **Akechi:** Ah

 **Akechi:** I see…….

 **Akechi:** Akira and I did have a couple of conversations before the rest of you woke up from the fake reality

 **Ryuji:** cool cool

 **Ryuji:** he really missed you, you know

_(Akechi is offline)_

**_(2 online) - 1/11_ **

**Akechi:** Hey

 **Akechi:** Can we talk if you have a moment?

 **Akechi:** I wanted to clear the air since we’re going to be working together

 **Haru:** Sure, go ahead…

 **Akechi:** I apologize for your father’s death

 **Haru:** I see

 **Haru:** That was very blunt of you but I appreciate it nonetheless

 **Haru:** I will try not to be awkward about working with you but I can’t promise anything

 **Akechi:** Same

 **Haru:** For what it’s worth, I understand that you had very little choice in the matter

 **Akechi:** Hmm

 **Akechi:** Probably the polite thing to do here would be accept that and move on

 **Akechi:** Do you want me to do that or do you want me to be honest

 **Haru:** I think this will go a lot better if we’re all honest with each other

 **Akechi:** I’m not sorry that he’s dead, I’m only sorry that it hurt you and your friends but I wouldn’t take it back

 **Haru:** …I see

 **Haru:** I suppose that’s understandable

 **Haru:** Thank you, I’m glad we were able to discuss this

_(Haru is offline)_

**_(2 online) - 1/11_ **

**Futaba:** heard u were talking to haru and not me

 **Akechi:** I was going to message you next

 **Akechi:** To be honest you scare me more than she does

 **Futaba:** then u don’t know her At All

 **Futaba:** the things she can do w that axe………

 **Akechi:** You have my twitter password

 **Futaba:** trueeee

 **Futaba:** all three of them

 **Futaba:** and I can and will use them for ~nefarious purposes if u mess this up

 **Futaba:** no pressure

 **Akechi:** I see

_(Akechi is typing…)_

_(Akechi is typing…)_

**Futaba:** you have no idea what to say do u

 **Akechi:** I thought I should start with an apology but that might sound cheap coming from me

 **Akechi:** So no I guess not

 **Futaba:** good me neither

 **Futaba:** do you regret it though

 **Akechi:** Of course

 **Akechi:** But that doesn’t change what happened

 **Akechi:** And I don’t expect your forgiveness

 **Futaba:** ok so the thing is

 **Futaba:** I was in. a not great for a while and there was a point where I could’ve gotten even worse

 **Futaba:** but the phantom thieves gave me a second chance

 **Futaba:** and it was really really hard to take it but it would’ve been stupid not to

 **Futaba:** and I think ur a lot of things but I don’t think ur an idiot

 **Akechi:** Thanks?

 **Futaba:** the point is! you can’t go back and trying just means you get stuck and that doesn’t do anything for anyone including you

 **Futaba:** so you gotta figure out how to go forward

 **Akechi:** That was. Surprisingly wise of you

 **Futaba:** yeah I’m full of amazing advice maybe try listening to me sometimes

 **Futaba:** anyway ur not planning on betraying us again right

 **Akechi:** No

 **Futaba:** or murdering anyone else

 **Akechi:** No

 **Akechi:** Maybe maruki but only if there’s no other way

 **Futaba:** yeah I guess that’s fair

 **Futaba:** would kinda prefer you didn’t but it’s not like. a deal breaker or anything

 **Futaba:** so we’re cool

 **Futaba:** but I still reserve my right to bully u about ur crush on akira

 **Akechi:** I do NOT have a crush on him

 **Futaba:** nice try pal I’ve seen ur priv twitter remember

 **Futaba:** oh sorry ur right

 **Futaba:** u don’t just have a crush ur ~in love with him

 **Akechi:** Is it too late to rescind my compliments

 **Futaba:** yes I’ve screenshotted this whole conversation ur never living it down

 **Futaba:** you admitted my advice is Wise which means I’m right abt everything ever

 **Futaba:** including the fact that u ~love~ him

 **Akechi:** For once in my life I’m grateful I never had siblings

 **Futaba:** mwehehe

**_definitely not the phantom thieves (8 members, 8 online) - 1/11_ **

_(Akechi has been added to the chat)_

**Futaba:** ok best behavior everyone the cops have arrived

 **Akechi:** Hey, akechi here

 **Akechi:** Would just like to point out that I’m 1) not a detective anymore and 2) legally a felon

 **Akechi:** If anyone’s the cop here it’s niijima

 **Ann:** yeah that’s fair actually

 **Makoto:** I changed my mind about going into the police, stop holding that against me!

 **Makoto:** like sure I would love to believe that I could change the system from the inside but if even my sister couldn’t do it I’m not sure what chance I would have, and I can’t be sure that it wouldn’t change me instead

 **Makoto:** but I can’t say I’m not still tempted

 **Akechi:** Oh boy

 **Makoto:** well what are your plans for the future?

 **Akechi:** Defeating maruki and returning this world to reality ^_^

**_(2 online) - 1/11_ **

**Akira:** so I heard you were talking to ryuji earlier

 **Akechi:** More like he talked to me

 **Akira:** glad that two of my favorite people are getting along

 **Akira:** you were getting along right??

 **Akira:** he seemed to think so but like

 **Akechi:** Yes he’s doing a very good job of trying to make me feel ~welcomed or whatever

 **Akechi:** It’s unnecessary but I appreciate the effort anyway

 **Akira:** it’s not!! you have friends now whether you like it or not

 **Akechi:** Doesn’t friendship have to go both ways

 **Akira:** ok fine you have people who care abt you now and want to be your friend if you would just let them

 **Akira:** and don’t give me that line abt how we don’t need to be friends and we’re just ~temporary allies~

 **Akira:** we both know that’s bullshit

 **Akechi:** Yes fine whatever we’re friends and I care about you

_(Akechi is offline)_

**_big stress about joker hours (7 members, 7 online) - 1/11_ **

_(Futaba changed the name of the chat to ‘no traitors allowed take 2’)_

 **Futaba:** time to dust off the ol’ making fun of akechi groupchat

 **Futaba:** welcome sumire

 **Futaba:** it’s a good fun time where we dunk on everyone’s least favorite teen celebrity detective

 **Futaba:** well. everyone's except akira lmao

 **Ann:** so that new metaverse outfit huh

 **Sumire:** wait did he not always look like that

 **Ann:** no he used to look all classy

 **Ryuji:** like some fancy fairytale prince

 **Futaba:** not like a square enix villain

 **Yusuke:** Indeed, the stripes look jarring and out-of-place with the general aesthetic of the outfit, and the colors are too close together to provide proper contrast anyway. I would be ashamed to have painted such a thing.

 **Makoto:** we’ve all seen him dressed like that before, why is it such a surprise now?

 **Ryuji:** yeah sorry last time I was busy trying not to die because he was. y’know. trying to kill us to notice what a wild look that was

 **Ryuji:** still not sure how I feel about it, I think it’s kinda growing on me

 **Ann:** not to kinkshame you but wow

 **Makoto:** not to bring down the mood but I just want to make sure everyone is ok with this

 **Makoto:** especially @Futaba and @Haru

 **Makoto:** you don’t have to say anything here if you don’t want to but

 **Haru:** Thanks for your concern 💖💕

 **Haru:** But I think I’ll be fine

 **Futaba:** yeah I’m good lol

 **Futaba:** never underestimate how therapeutic it is to go through someone’s locked twitter account and make fun of every stupid thing they’ve ever said

 **Futaba:** also has the unfortunate side effect of making someone seem more like. a human person with actual flaws and like. maybe a couple of actual good qualities. as a treat

 **Futaba:** Idk I’m not like. super mad at him anymore I guess??? like I’m still not his biggest fan but I can’t stop thinking that. he could’ve been any of us u know?

 **Futaba:** sometimes I think about what would’ve happened if you guys hadn’t gotten through to me or like. what if I was like 2% less depressed and actually had the motivation to act on how angry I was?? Idk

 **Sumire:** I don’t know I can’t imagine you ever actually killing anyone

 **Futaba:** aww thanks sumi

 **Sumire:** 😊

 **Futaba:** however you sure missed seeing when I had a palace

 **Sumire:** wasn’t he working against you the entire time though?

 **Makoto:** yeah but so was I at first

 **Makoto:** I was spying on the thieves and blackmailed them into letting me join

 **Yusuke:** Yes, and Haru and I were originally opposing the Phantom Thieves as well before we became members, though neither of us ever tried to kill any of you

 **Yusuke:** But then again, isn’t the whole reason why we steal hearts because we believe that people can change?

 **Ryuji:** nah I thought it was to stop shitty adults and ppl in authority from hurting people who don’t have the power to stand up to them on their own

 **Ann:** which like. when you think abt it doesn’t that kinda apply to akechi too?

 **Ryuji:** oh it super does

 **Ryuji:** like I have a lot of anger abt my shitty absent father and that’s without him grooming me into an assassin and also trying to take over the government

 **Ryuji:** anyway I was kinda messed up over how we couldn’t save him so like. I’m glad he gets a second chance anyway y’know?

_(6 people reacted with 👍)_

**Sumire:** I agree! I know I wasn’t there for a lot of the bad stuff but he’s always been so helpful to me and also I kind of trust him on principle because he’s a cat boy

_(everyone is typing…)_

**Sumire:** cat person!!! I meant cat person!!! as in person who likes cats!!!!

 **Ann:** I am absolutely telling akira u said that

 **Futaba:** yeah there’s only room for one catboy in the phantom thieves and akira’s got that covered

 **Makoto:** I thought that was morgana?

 **Futaba:** :3

 **Ryuji:** ;3c

**_(2 online) - 1/12_ **

**Haru:** I’ve been giving some thought to our earlier conversation.

 **Akechi:** ?

 **Haru:** The thing is, we’re not really so different.

_(Akechi is typing…)_

**Haru:** There was. A cognitive version of myself in my father’s palace and it was horrifying, of course, to realize that was how he saw me, but I think the worst part is how much I resembled that version, like the only parts of me he could see were the parts I hated most.

 **Haru:** That’s not who I am anymore, of course, but it was still unpleasant.

 **Haru:** It was completely subservient to him, a puppet who was willing to be used as his tool and then thrown away once its purpose was complete.

 **Haru:** Sound familiar?

 **Akechi:** Fine I get it, you think I’m just as pathetic and hopeless as your mindless double, this isn’t news to me

 **Akechi:** You’ve made your point

 **Haru:** I don’t think I have, actually.

 **Haru:** That wasn’t meant as criticism, and I’d appreciate it if you stopped willfully misinterpreting my words. This is difficult enough with you incorrectly assuming that we all hate you. In fact, I think we would all get along much better if you stopped treating us like idiots for daring to try to care about you.

 **Haru:** I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be so aggressive

 **Akechi:** I’ve seen you disembowel shadows with an axe I know you’re always exactly as aggressive as you mean to be

 **Akechi:** But no you’re right I’m sorry

 **Haru:** When we encountered your double, I was reminded of mine, and myself as I used to be and could have been if I hadn’t met Morgana and the Thieves

 **Haru:** To be seen like that and used like that is. Not a fate I would wish on anyone

 **Haru:** And I would like to think that we can both be more than our fathers’ children

 **Akechi:** Hmm

 **Akechi:** You certainly are

**_no traitors allowed take 2 (7 members, 4 online) - 1/13_ **

**Ann:** guys you’re not gonna believe this

 **Ann:** but ask mona I swear I’m telling the truth

 **Ann:** our english teacher was talking about slang today and one of the example words she picked was frenemy which, I kid you not, she described as rival but in the most intense love-hate way

 **Ann:** and akira SIGHED so loudly he woke up morgana

 **Futaba:** oof

 **Ann:** yeah

 **Makoto:** he’s got it bad

 **Yusuke:** When will they finally kiss and put the rest of us out of our misery.

 **Futaba:** morgana says, and I quote: please! I’m so sick of hearing akira angsting about whether or not akechi wants to hang out with him

 **Futaba:** (still mona) as if everyone with a single brain cell can’t tell that akechi is pining

 **Futaba:** ok this is me for real now and I just wanna say Idk if he’s pining as much as. he’s just horribly tsundere

 **Ann:** nah I don’t think that’s it

 **Ann:** I just think he’s lonely and probably never had anyone he really actually liked before

 **Ann:** of course he’s gonna have a hard time actually expressing that

 **Yusuke:** And you think that’s why he challenged Joker to a duel before breaking up with him and why he hangs around him but never actually says anything

 **Ann:** yeah obvi

 **Ann:** and like. that’s why he won’t actually say anything

 **Futaba:** yeah like. speaking from experience sometimes it seems easier to push ppl away instead of deal w anything complicated

_(Ann changed the name of the chat to ‘akira/akechi intervention time’)_

**Ann:** new mission new chat name

 **Ann:** time to convince our friends to get their shit together

 **Futaba:** I think we’ll be waiting a long time for that lol

**_(2 online) - 1/15_ **

**Yusuke:** I wanted to apologize for what I said in Mementos today, it was thoughtless of me and I did not mean to imply that we would disregard your dying wish so callously

 **Akechi:** Does it still count as my dying wish if I didn’t actually die

 **Yusuke:** That depends, I think

 **Yusuke:** Did you believe yourself to be dying?

_(Akechi is typing…)_

**Yusuke:** You don’t have to answer that

 **Yusuke:** It was mostly rhetorical, and probably insensitive

 **Yusuke:** I’ve been told that I’m not great at having tact

 **Akechi:** Me neither

 **Yusuke:** Somehow that doesn’t surprise me

 **Yusuke:** Regardless, I feel like I should point out that even though we were already targeting Shido, both out of our own self-interest and our sense of justice, your revelations and your death certainly added fuel to that fire

 **Yusuke:** Akira, in particular, was fighting for you

 **Akechi:** Is that so

 **Yusuke:** Yes

 **Akechi:** That was also a rhetorical question

 **Yusuke:** Oh

 **Yusuke:** However I thought it was a question you should have the answer to

 **Yusuke:** But surely Akira has already told you that

 **Akechi:** Yeah

 **Yusuke:** Did you not believe him?

 **Akechi:** No but that’s just how he is about everyone and no more than he would do for any of you

 **Yusuke:** I assure you, this was different

 **Yusuke:** And it would be insulting to both of you to continue to imply that he was not deeply affected by your death

 **Yusuke:** We all were, of course, but I’ve never seen Joker so upset

 **Yusuke:** Or so vengeful

 **Akechi:** I see

 **Yusuke:** I’m not sure you do

 **Yusuke:** But I’m not the one you should be having this conversation with

**_akira/akechi intervention time (7 members, 7 online) - 1/16_ **

**Futaba:** ok so

_(Futaba is typing...)_

**Ann:** 🍿🍿🍿

 **Futaba:** very important update from morgana

 **Ryuji:** oh I’m so ready for this

 **Futaba:** so akira went to the darts place

 **Futaba:** to git gud

 **Makoto:** as one does

 **Futaba:** as one does!

 **Futaba:** and he took morgana w him obvi

 **Futaba:** but when they got to the door akechi was already there just like. loitering outside

 **Makoto:** why? doesn’t he have other things to do? doesn’t he have homework?

 **Yusuke:** I don’t think he’s been going to school this semester, actually. Didn’t you notice that he could just drop everything to come to Shujin when we all met during Joker’s lunch? I had to pretend I was ill so that I could leave early

 **Yusuke:** But he never mentioned it being any trouble

 **Haru:** To be fair, he usually doesn’t mention things like that.

 **Makoto:** ok but why isn’t he going to school? doesn’t he still want to get into a good college?

 **Makoto:** maybe I should try talking to him about that

 **Ryuji:** also, more importantly, while we’re talking abt that day, where did he get shujin gym clothes from

 **Futaba:** idk probably he had some from like. when he investigating us

 **Futaba:** there’s no way he didn’t stake out shujin at least once

 **Futaba:** hmm no morgana just informed me that actually those were joker’s. which akechi still has from when they were ~dating

 **Yusuke:** Oh

 **Ryuji:** /wow/

 **Sumire:** wait they were dating? Akira and _Akechi_?

 **Makoto:** it’s a long story

 **Ann:** I’ll dm u

 **Ann:** anyway I wanna hear the hot new gossip

 **Futaba:** oh it’s some Good Juicy Gossip

 **Futaba:** and morgana is gonna claw my arm off in like two seconds unless u assholes shut up and let him tell me what happened today

 **Futaba:** so they ran into akechi outside the darts place

 **Futaba:** and he’s all like. why are u here. as if he had a reason to be there instead of just lurking outside the darts place in the rain like some melodramatic anime villain who hates fun

 **Futaba:** and also calls akira a sentimental idiot for talking to him at all???

 **Futaba:** oh sorry I’ve been informed that actually the phrase he used was “foolish sentimentality” my bad

 **Ryuji:** that’s worse

 **Ryuji:** would it kill him to talk like a normal goddamn teenager

 **Futaba:** probably

 **Futaba:** ANYWAY

 **Futaba:** they end up playing darts together

 **Futaba:** bc akira goes inside and leaves him being all broody outside and then calls him as soon as he reserves the space

 **Makoto:** I can’t believe Akira didn’t invite the rest of us :/

 **Makoto:** he knows I want to practice my technique

 **Futaba:** yeah no I don’t think u would’ve wanted to be there

 **Futaba:** it was definitely a Date

 **Futaba:** except neither of them actually acknowledged it and just. wallowed in the weird tension instead

 **Haru:** I don’t like that mental image.

 **Yusuke:** Me neither

 **Futaba:** good

 **Futaba:** apparently akechi got like. super competitive about it which is probably why he didn’t want akira to invite anyone else

 **Makoto:** that shocks me /sarcasm

 **Futaba:** yeah and he was super disappointed that akira didn’t play well like. u know how he gets whenever joker misses an attack? like ‘you have personally let me down by not being as perfect as I think you are’? apparently he was like that

 **Sumire:** but Akira is so good at darts!

 **Haru:** How could he play so badly?

 **Ryuji:** because he’s a useless bisexual

 **Ryuji:** and he was probably busy thinking about how pretty akechi is instead of the game

 **Ryuji:** can’t say I blame him honestly that scary intense look he gets when he’s focusing on something /is/ pretty hot

 **Futaba:** if you say another word about how hot akechi is we’re kicking you out of the groupchat

 **Ryuji:** nooooo

 **Ryuji:** you need me here if u ever want operation: get akira and akechi back together to work

 **Yusuke:** Is that what this is?

 **Ryuji:** I mean. it’s probably the only way to get them to stop pining for each other all the time

 **Sumire:** sorry if this is a little rude or invasive, but I have a question

 **Ryuji:** yea sure

 **Sumire:** why are you trying to get your boyfriend to date his ex instead?

 **Ryuji:** not instead

 **Ryuji:** in addition to

 **Ryuji:** open relationship babey

 **Ryuji:** that’s how we’ve been for a while

 **Ryuji:** like. an important part of becoming a phantom thief is dating akira for at least a little while

 **Ryuji:** yusuke did it, ann did it, I’m currently doing it

 **Futaba:** speak for yourself

 **Ryuji:** yeah except futaba but that’s bc she’s his little sister

 **Haru:** And Mako-chan and I don’t date men

 **Makoto:** to be fair we went on a couple of dates but it really didn't work out...

 **Ryuji:** ANYWAY

 **Ryuji:** I also kinda wanna be dating both of them but that’s a whole other thing and if I say that I’ll get kicked out of the gc :(

 **Ann:** it’s ok we won’t really kick you out

 **Ann:** how else are we gonna hear about all your relationship drama

 **Makoto:** it sounds like this is something you should be talking to Akira about instead of all of us

 **Ryuji:** I mean yeah but like. how do you tell someone that you want him to get back together with his ex and also that you wanna date his ex too

 **Ryuji:** especially when his ex has like. the social skills of a feral cat. if you try to talk to him about emotions he runs away or bites your hand off

 **Ryuji:** metaphorically. I don’t think akechi has ever actually eaten someone’s hand

 **Yusuke:** Or he shows his fake Detective Prince smile that he uses when he’s lying

 **Haru:** That’s what he does whenever I try to ask how his day is going too

 **Ann:** honestly until recently I thought that’s just what his face looks like but no turns out he was just using his customer service face non-stop

 **Ann:** including with us

 **Ryuji:** not with akira though I don’t think or at least not all the time

 **Ryuji:** which is. probably what he saw in him

 **Makoto:** that’s fair, I like the real him better too

 **Sumire:** wow

 **Sumire:** kinda concerning that he was constantly performing like that for everyone all the time for so long. I mean this in the most respectful way possible but I really think he could use a therapist

 **Ryuji:** a real therapist though

 **Ryuji:** not maruki

 **Sumire:** yeah obviously

 **Yusuke:** I wonder what his idea of a perfect world would be…

**_joker/akechi intervention time (7 members, 6 online) - 1/17_ **

**Futaba:** anyway I found this tweet I was looking for

 **Futaba:** from like six months ago

 **Futaba:** when akechi and joker were dating but before any of us knew about that

 **Futaba:** the tweets were sent five minutes apart

 **Futaba:** “can’t believe my cute barista can beat me at chess now”

 **Futaba:** and then truly the worst set of words I’ve ever seen in my life

 **Futaba:** “used to not believe that sapiosexuality was a real thing but now I realize I just hadn’t met anyone who met all of my standards”

 **Futaba:** which is just. so very obviously abt akira and I hate it

 **Ryuji:** me too

 **Makoto:** that’s so judgmental of him

 **Ann:** also I’m kinkshaming… why is getting beaten at chess the thing that makes him realize he has Feelings

 **Ryuji:** because he’s Like That like. you’ve met him

 **Ryuji:** you’ve heard how he talks

 **Ryuji:** when he first met akira he introduced himself by ~paraphrasing hegel

 **Ryuji:** there’s a reason I hated his stupid pretty face the moment he opened his horrible pretentious mouth

 **Ryuji:** I mean. I wasn’t actually there for that but akira told me about it and holy shit that is just Not how you flirt

 **Yusuke:** And yet you consistently remarked on his appearance in favorable terms

 **Ryuji:** you shut up!!!!!

 **Ryuji:** let me recognize that someone is hot even if I don’t like their personality!!!! I am just a weak bisexual disaster!!!!!

 **Futaba:** you sure are a disaster yeah

 **Ryuji:** LISTEN!!!!!!!

 **Ryuji:** and now that we’re friends and stuff I can even more acknowledge that he’s attractive bc I don’t have to also hate him as a person on principle y’know?

 **Futaba:** ok executive decision this is now the chat where we mock ryuji to his face for being gay for akechi

 **Makoto:** instead of the chat where we mock Akira behind his back for being gay for Akechi

 **Ann:** what are friends for if not to gossip about each other’s relationship drama

 **Ann:** remember when y’all dragged me nonstop for not realizing shiho was into me

 **Haru:** In our defense, she kissed you and you still thought she meant it in a platonic way

 **Haru:** In addition to all of the many dates and romantic-coded activities you had done with her

 **Haru:** At least Mako-chan and I weren’t nearly so oblivious 💕

 **Makoto:** 💞

 **Ann:** yeah that’s because makoto’s the one holding all of our collective braincells

 **Ryuji:** you realize you’re insulting yourself there too right

 **Ann:** hey I’m fine with knowing that makoto is smarter than I’ll ever be

 **Makoto:** you’re very smart, Ann! there are more types of intelligence than are measured by academic performance

 **Makoto:** you definitely have the most emotional intelligence of any of us

 **Ann:** awww thanks makoto

 **Ryuji:** flirting??? in this groupchat???? is that legal?????

 **Makoto:** like you care about legality

 **Ann:** sorry that we don’t have toxic masculinity preventing us from paying each other genuine compliments

 **Futaba:** yeah if u wanna make this a no flirting zone we also gotta make it a no pining over goro akechi zone

 **Futaba:** which, may I remind everyone, is why akira isn’t allowed bc he is constantly breaking that rule at all times

 **Yusuke:** Yes, how is your mission to get your boyfriend back together with his ex going?

 **Ryuji:** oh you know

 **Yusuke:** We don’t. That’s why I asked

 **Ryuji:** well they’re not back together yet

 **Ryuji:** but akira keeps inviting him to this like. jazz bar where apparently akechi took him last summer and he keeps saying yes so that’s something probably I think

 **Makoto:** yes that seems like a fairly romantic destination

 **Ryuji:** yeah but they’re also Like That

 **Ryuji:** and as we’ve already established everyone here except makoto and haru is uh. stupid about that kind of thing

 **Ryuji:** remember how long it took me to realize that akira and I were dating

 **Ryuji:** and before you say that I’m dumb akira didn’t realize either and he has the most braincells here besides futaba and makoto

 **Ann** : you’re not dumb either!!! didn’t you hear what makoto said about emotional intelligence

 **Futaba:** listen akira is very smart about some things but uh. relationships are very much not those things

 **Futaba:** like. remember when I had leblanc bugged? I had to hear so much of akira’s bad flirting

 **Ann:** which means you’ve gotta actually say something to both of them with your words before they waste another six months pining and playing chess

 **Makoto:** do you think it’s occurred to him that the chess is a reasonably fitting metaphor for their situation

 **Ryuji:** obviously, he prob thinks everything is a metaphor we’ve been over this

 **Ann:** and you used to find it insufferable but now you think it’s kinda cute actually

 **Ryuji:** shut up!!!

 **Yusuke:** He’s not incorrect, though. Symbolism can be found anywhere in life if you look for it

 **Futaba:** hey sumire hasn’t responded in a while do you think she has us muted :((

 **Ann:** she’s probably just at practice, she’s been keeping really busy with that recently

 **Futaba:** oh right,,,,

 **Haru:** Speaking of people who haven’t realized that they’re flirting…

**_(2 online) - 1/17_ **

**Ryuji:** hey bro you free rn?

 **Akira:** I mean I’m technically at work but like. akechi’s here so we’re just kinda chilling

 **Ryuji:** oh wow you got him to start hanging out there again finally

 **Ryuji:** bet boss was missing the business lmao

 **Akira:** don’t let him hear you say that lol

 **Akira:** anyway what’s up

 **Ryuji** : there was something I kinda wanted to talk to you about

 **Akira:** are you ok? is anything wrong? do you want me to ask akechi to leave?

 **Ryuji:** nah actually it’s perfect that he’s already there

 **Ryuji:** it’s nothing bad I just. have something I wanna say to both of you

 **Ryuji:** I swear it’s not bad you don’t need to start stressin abt it

 **Akira:** ok! come over whenever you want!

 **Ryuji:** see u soon ❤️

 **Akira:** ❤️

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter should be up on Tuesday, also the total number of chapters changed because I changed my mind about how I wanted to split up the second half not because I added an entire chapter's worth of new content lol
> 
> I used the Yusuke version of that one mementos conversation bc Imo it's the only one that's not horribly ooc
> 
> the main reason the thieves switch between calling him Akira and calling him Joker is bc I changed my mind about what name to use halfway through writing this and there was a period when I couldn't decide and just called him Joker. Originally I wanted to use Ren bc Ryuji calling him Renren is the cutest thing ever but I couldn't pass up the opportunity to make fun of Akechi wanting his code name to be Joker's actual name like the disaster gay he is
> 
> I know that in canon Makoto doesn't change her mind abt wanting to be a cop however uh. Imo that doesn't make a lot of sense w her character arc or any of the shit that she sees Joker go through so like. my city now. like yeah sure she's still the most lawful-aligned of the phantom thieves but she should know better than to trust and actively want to join the system given. y'know. the entire plot of the game
> 
> related, since it came up in the chapter and given everything that's happening in the world right now (especially in the United States) it would feel kinda weird not to say anything (not to get political in the notes of a fic for a piece of media with major themes of *checks notes* police brutality, government corruption, and people in positions of authority abusing their power): abolish prisons and also the police, donate to a bail fund, read some Angela Davis, yell at your local elected officials, etc.


	4. popping the biggest bottles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> because this is a chatfic we're uh. not actually gonna get to see the conversation that immediately follows last chapter because they talk to each other out loud with their actual human mouths and then also kiss each other with their actual human mouths

**_(2 online) - 1/17_ **

**Ryuji:** so do I get to call you babe too or is that special for akira

 **Akechi:** Bold of you to assume he’s allowed either

 **Akechi:** And before you ask no bro is not a term of endearment either

 **Ryuji:** it is to me but go off I guess

 **Ryuji:** those are ur options

 **Akechi:** This is what I get for dating a jock isn’t it

 **Ryuji:** yep

 **Ryuji:** ur welcome

 **Akechi:** …I’m realizing I really don’t know how to flirt normally

 **Ryuji:** first of all who does in this economy

 **Ryuji:** second of all I don’t think that’s true you got through to akira somehow

 **Ryuji:** or did you just threaten to destroy him but in a suggestive voice

 **Akechi:** I mean that’s not the only thing I did

 **Ryuji:** ughhhh you’re both hopeless

 **Akechi:** And yet you’re the one dating us, what does that say about you 😏

 **Ryuji:** that I have good taste obviously

 **Ryuji:** have u SEEN akira

 **Akechi:** Yeah he’s

_(Akechi is typing…)_

_(Akechi is typing…)_

**Ryuji:** yeah

 **Ryuji:** I think the word ur looking for is ‘hot’ but like. knowing you it’s probably gonna something more pretentious than that

 **Akechi:** Guilty ^_^

 **Ryuji:** I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that you have a sappy side lol

 **Akechi:** I’ll show you sappy

 **Ryuji:** yeah just you wait bro I’ll be the most romantic thing you’ve ever seen

 **Akechi:** You’re on

 **Ryuji:** yeah? you gonna prove you can say romo things that aren’t thinly veiled metaphors for murder?? I bet u can’t

 **Akechi:** Sweetheart you wound me

 **Akechi:** I don’t lose 💖

 **Ryuji:** we’ll find out won’t we ❤️💪

 **Ryuji:** anyway it’s getting late I’m gonna go to sleep and you should too

 **Akechi:** Good night babe

_(Akechi is offline)_

**_(1 online) - 1/17_ **

**Akira:** babe

_(Akechi is online)_

**Akechi:** ?

 **Akira:** baaaabe

 **Akechi:** What is it

 **Akira:** just enjoying that I can call you that again

 **Akira:** babe

 **Akira:** darling

 **Akira:** dearest

 **Akechi:** Accomplice

 **Akira:** sweetheart

 **Akechi:** Ally

 **Akira:** hey don’t say such hurtful things I’m an entire bisexual

 **Akira:** baby

 **Akechi:** Associate

 **Akira:** honey

 **Akechi:** Rival

 **Akira:** awww you say the sweetest things 😊

 **Akechi:** Nemesis

 **Akira:** wow

 **Akira:** getting serious now aren’t you

 **Akechi:** I’m always serious about you

 **Akira:** whoa I’m swooning

 **Akira:** calm down prince charming

 **Akechi:** In all seriousness I

 **Akechi:** Really missed you too

 **Akira:** yeah but it’s ok

 **Akira:** your aim is getting better

 **Akechi:** Fuck off

 **Akira:** love u too

 **Akechi:** Yeah

 **Akira:** can’t believe you’ll sacrifice yourself for me but you still won’t say you love me back smh

_(Akechi is typing…)_

**Akira:** I was joking dude it’s fine I don’t actually mind

 **Akechi:** I know

 **Akechi:** But you said I needed to work on actually saying things so this is me talking about my ~feelings or whatever

 **Akira:** hey it’s ok I don’t wanna push you or anything you don’t have to specifically say the words for me to know you care

 **Akira:** and I hope u know I’m here for u

 **Akechi:** Yes that’s the problem actually

 **Akechi:** The thing is

 **Akechi:** I believe you and that’s absolutely fucking terrifying

 **Akechi:** Because I loved you before and it still wasn’t enough

 **Akechi:** Not to be horribly cliche but it really isn’t you, it’s me, it’s that we were in love and I still chose to betray you

 **Akira:** yeah but see. the thing about having a second chance is you can make different choices this time around

 **Akechi:** Somehow I doubt it will be that simple to overcome a lifetime of being forced to be self-sufficient in a society that actively disincentivizes caring about people in favor of survival and personal advancement

 **Akira:** a lifetime? dude you’re eighteen

 **Akira:** and you don’t have to be alone anymore

 **Akechi:** What if I don’t know how to do that

 **Akechi:** What if I don’t know how to be someone who can trust in other people enough to see relationships as something worth holding onto instead of something that will end with either party being used or abandoned

 **Akechi:** I know intellectually that’s not necessarily always the case but it still doesn’t feel true

 **Akira:** yeah :/

 **Akira:** I don’t really have an answer for that tbh

 **Akira:** not to compare trauma but like. my parents sure did ship me off to an acquaintance’s barista and haven’t checked on me once

 **Akira:** I don’t know how to make friends without trying to figure out what I can do for them to help them so they’ll want to keep me around

 **Akechi:** Really? Even with all your big power of friendship talk?  
 **Akira:** yeah like. I know they all care abt me and I care abt them and it’s not bc of anything they’re doing or not doing it’s just. hard to shake when you believe something like that, you know?

 **Akira:** but it’s definitely gotten easier to ignore that instinct and actually trust people, mostly because my friends /have/ been there for me

 **Akira:** so I think the thing I’m saying is we’ll get there

 **Akechi:** I see

 **Akira:** anyway that’s probably enough psychoanalysis for one conversation love you good night

 **Akechi:** You too 💖

_(Akechi is offline)_

**_(2 online) - 1/17_ **

**Akira:** hey thanks for being so cool about all this

 **Ryuji:** yea of course

 **Ryuji:** it’s not like I didn’t know going in that u were prob always gonna be at least a little bit in love w him

 **Akira:** yeah but you know I love you right? it’s important to me that you know that

 **Akira:** you’re my best friend and I can’t imagine doing any of this without you

 **Akira:** relationship stuff, phantom thief stuff, school, moving here, any of it

 **Ryuji:** bro

 **Akira:** bro ❤️

 **Ryuji:** you’re the greatest bro a dude could ask for

 **Ryuji:** and I mean that in the most romantic way possible

 **Akira:** dude ❤️

**Ryuji: ❤️**

**Ryuji:** ok but real talk I had absolutely no idea he was capable of being so. cute

 **Ryuji:** like obvi I'm not doubting ur taste but y'know. still

 **Akira:** tbh!!

 **Akira:** the duality of man, cute AND hot

 **Akira:** destroys shadows w extremely sexy bloodthirsty rage, also blushes when you tell him he’s pretty

 **Ryuji:** get you a man who can do both

 **Ryuji:** oh wait we did ✋

**Akira: 🤚**

**Ryuji:** tbh you realize that also applies to u

 **Ryuji:** though you don’t do the rage thing nearly as well

 **Ryuji:** like yeah ur extremely cool and smooth and u look very good when you fight but there’s something to be said for being just. completely unhinged

 **Ryuji:** love when he just yells shit

 **Akira:** I know right he’s so mean I like him so much 😻

**_definitely not the phantom thieves (9 members, 4 online) - 1/18_ **

**Akira:** this is morgana I figured out how to get text to speech to work and it picks up my voice because of the metaverse app I think anyway now I can participate in all of your conversations HEY CAN YOU STOP YELLING AND GO TO SLEEP YOU’RE ALWAYS THE ONE WHO WANTS ME TO GO TO BED EARLY sorry joker technically since I’m in a cat body I don’t need to get a full night of sleep like you MORGANA PLEASE I’M SO TIRED

_(Akira is offline)_

**Akechi:** What happened to insisting that you’re not actually a cat

 **Ryuji:** yeah that was several existential crises ago he’s over it now

 **Makoto:** why are you still awake, aren’t you going to school tomorrow morning

 **Akechi:** No

 **Ryuji:** listen…….

 **Ryuji:** it’s just so hard to fall asleep these days y’know?

 **Ryuji:** it’s like I can’t get my brain to shut down for long enough and I’m always still tired when I wake up :((

 **Makoto:** have you tried any of that tea Haru recommended?

 **Ryuji:** yeah it works sometimes but like. not if I’m real stressed out

 **Makoto:** ask her for a different blend, that might help

 **Makoto:** also hey Akechi can we go back to how you’re not going to school?

 **Makoto:** what are you doing instead? are you ok?

 **Akechi:** Literally what would ever make you think that

 **Makoto:** fair point but still

 **Makoto:** I know you missed some time but you don’t need to drop out you’re really smart I’m sure you could catch back up

 **Makoto:** Akira was out for like a month too

 **Akechi:** Oh, well if *akira* did it

 **Akechi:** And anyway why are you awake too, aren’t you going to school tomorrow morning

 **Makoto:** of course I am!!

 **Makoto:** I just. couldn’t sleep

 **Makoto:** you know how it is

 **Makoto:** too many things to plan for and worry about and when I do sleep I just have lots of really weird stress dreams

 **Ryuji:** yeah tell me about it

 **Ryuji:** last night I had a dream that we were fighting yaldaboath except instead of hitting us with weapons like a normal evil god he was making me answer the questions from my math test that I haven’t studied for

 **Ryuji:** sorry makoto I can feel u making a disappointed face at me from here

 **Ryuji:** anyway then he told me I wasn’t wearing any pants and I wasn’t and then I died I think??? but I could still like. watch him smite all the rest of you and it was super effed up and the world kinda dissolved???? and then I woke up

 **Ryuji:** anyway

 **Ryuji:** uhhhhhh

 **Akechi:** If it weren’t for the fact that we’re in this situation because of you all talking to a therapist I would say you should probably get some therapy for your trauma about almost watching the world end

 **Ryuji:** yeah like u have room to talk

 **Ryuji:** why are u still awake at ass o clock in the morning again

 **Akechi:** Don’t have plans tomorrow

 **Akechi:** Also I really don’t need that much sleep, five hours a night is enough for me

_(Makoto is typing…)_

**Makoto:** that’s not how human bodies work!!!! especially not at our age!!!!! you need to get more sleep!!!!

 **Akechi:** Whatever mom

 **Akechi:** Go to sleep

 **Makoto:** only if you do!

 **Akechi:** Fine

 **Makoto:** fine!!

 **Ryuji:** u guys actually gonna go to bed or are u just gonna. sit here playing sleep chicken

_(Akechi is typing…)_

_(Makoto is offline)_

_(Akechi is offline)_

_(Ryuji is offline)_

**_definitely not the phantom thieves (9 members, 9 online) -1/18_ **

**Makoto:** everyone holding up ok?

 **Ryuji:** fine

 **Akira:** just peachy

 **Akira:** mona’s yelling at sojiro for sushi so he’s fine

 **Akira:** I swear he forgets sojiro can’t understand him sometimes

 **Ann:** tired :///

 **Ann:** I’m fine tho lol I just need a nap

 **Futaba:** I’m so hyped up that was great

 **Sumire:** same here!!

 **Yusuke:** Inspired

 **Yusuke:** I think I have an idea for my next piece, thanks to those new moves Joker and Crow showed us

 **Haru:** Looking forward to making some nice calming tea when I get home ^_^

 **Haru:** Mako-chan would you like to join me?

 **Makoto:** I’d love to but I can’t I have too much schoolwork :/

 **Makoto:** sorry baby 💞

 **Haru:** It’s ok, I’ll miss you but I understand 💕

**_(2 online) - 1/18_ **

**Makoto:** hi just wanted to check on how you’re doing since you don’t respond to any of the official check-ins in the groupchat

 **Akechi:** I’m fine as always

 **Akechi:** No need to clog up everyone’s notifications for nothing

 **Akechi:** And it’s kind of late, aren’t you going to yell at me to go to sleep again

 **Makoto:** we both know neither of us are sleeping any time soon

 **Akechi:** Fair

 **Akechi:** What’s up

 **Makoto:** are you ever going to talk to anyone about why you’re not going to school anymore

 **Makoto:** were you even planning on telling anyone

 **Akechi:** Akira knew

 **Makoto:** of course he did

 **Makoto:** I’ll stop asking about this if you want me to but

 **Makoto:** you’re my friend and I’m worried about you

_(Akechi is offline)_

**Makoto:** …

_(Akechi is online)_

**Akechi:** Ok I’m back ryuji says it’s rude to ghost someone for trying to talk about feelings

 **Akechi:** Anyway

 **Akechi:** How are *you* doing

 **Makoto:** oh no you don’t

 **Makoto:** you can’t turn this back around on me

 **Akechi:** You never respond to any of those ~official check ins either

 **Makoto:** I’m the one doing them, I don’t have to

 **Akechi:** Kinda hypocritical don’t you think

 **Makoto:** what are you even trying to do here

 **Makoto:** this isn’t an argument for you to win

 **Akechi:** Isn’t everything

 **Makoto:** no but that sure explains a lot about you

 **Akechi:** Fair

 **Akechi:** And to answer your question

 **Akechi:** High school is awful and I would literally rather die again than have to retake this year

 **Akechi:** Which is what would happen since I don’t have a teacher who supports my criminal activities to pull strings for me

 **Makoto:** yeah I was kinda surprised they let Akira back in too

 **Makoto:** like his homeroom teacher lets him make lock picks in class and that’s fine

 **Makoto:** but no I fail to contain one (1) conspiracy that the principal and also literally the government are in on and I lose my chance for a recommendation letter

 **Akechi:** You got into a good college anyway though right?

 **Makoto:** obviously! as if that was even a question! it’s about the principle of the thing though!

 **Akechi:** Of course

 **Makoto:** like I still got into my first choice but that shouldn’t have been something that they could hold over me, you know? and it feels kinda silly to even be complaining about considering like. other people have real problems

 **Makoto:** Ryuji is worried about failing and Haru is running a company while still trying to be a full-time student and Akira missed a month because he was in jail and then pretending to be dead so what right do I have to complain

 **Makoto:** but yeah actually I think I agree

 **Makoto:** I can’t wait to get out of high school and I wouldn’t wanna have to go back

 **Makoto:** like sure I get good grades and everything but. no one actually likes me? and it took until this year when I made actual friends to realize that, that actually my classmates and even my teachers either don’t care about me or think I’m kind of a bitch

 **Makoto:** I always thought it was enough to study hard and do well on tests and try to do the right thing but nope turns out you have to be good at people and I’m just really really not

 **Makoto:** wow sorry that was a lot to suddenly put on someone

 **Akechi:** No I get it

 **Akechi:** Getting everyone to like you for the sake of being liked takes too much effort and is honestly pretty overrated, trust me

 **Akechi:** And it’s not like I expect to get special treatment just because I managed to keep up with my schoolwork while doing. Everything else I was doing on the side but still

 **Akechi:** I think partially I don’t want to try to go back because I would rather leave on my own terms than give them the chance to fail me

 **Makoto:** yeah that makes sense but what about college?? didn’t you already have a plan

 **Akechi:** No

 **Akechi:** My only plan ended with the election and that was before graduation so

 **Makoto:** oh

 **Makoto:** you could still go though, even if you don’t go back to high school, I know it means taking another exam but you have options!

 **Akechi:** Why are you pushing so hard about this

 **Makoto:** I just think it would be. kind of a shame to throw away all the work you did

 **Makoto:** like yeah you didn’t expect to be here but you are and you might as well do something with your life and have something to show for any of it

 **Akechi:** Fine fine, I’ll think about it

 **Akechi:** If it’ll make you stop nagging me

 **Makoto:** good

 **Akechi:** Good night

 **Akechi:** Go to sleep already *you* have school tomorrow

_(Akechi is offline)_

**_akira/akechi intervention time (7 members, 5 online) 1/19_ **

**Ryuji:** so there’s something I gotta tell you guys

 **Ann:** you’re gay for akira???

 **Futaba:** you’re dropping out of high school????

 **Yusuke:** You won the lottery?

 **Ryuji:** y’all suck

 **Ryuji:** no actually

 **Ann:** so you’re not gay for akira

 **Haru:** Oh no, how will you tell him?

 **Ryuji:** even you haru???

 **Ryuji:** I’m trying to say something important here

 **Ryuji:** I’ll understand if you gotta kick me out of the groupchat over this but uh

 **Ryuji:** I’m kinda dating akechi

 **Futaba:** what

 **Ann:** WHAT

 **Yusuke:** What?

 **Ann:** WHAT DO YOU MEAN KIND OF

 **Ryuji:** ok not kind of

 **Ryuji:** I am actually for real dating akechi

 **Ryuji:** so is akira but like. that’s prob gonna be a lot less of a surprise

 **Yusuke:** Not even I’m surprised by /that/

_(Ann changed the name of the chat to ‘popping the biggest bottles’)_

**Futaba:** hmmmm

 **Futaba:** gonna have to put this to a vote but Imo ur continued existence in this chat

 **Futaba:** depends entirely on how insufferable ur gonna be abt him

 **Futaba:** will u be constantly interrupting to tell us how soft his hair is or whatever

 **Futaba:** bc I just can’t see u being as ~dramatic abt this as akira is but also,,,,

 **Futaba:** @Everyone vote now on ur phones

_(4 people reacted with 👍, 1 person reacted with 👎)_

**Ryuji:** ok in akira’s defense his hair is really soft

 **Ryuji:** and y’all know I talked a lot of shit about those gloves but actually??

 **Ryuji:** kind of a Look

 **Yusuke:** How tragic, we’ve lost another friend to Akechi’s apparently seductive charms

 **Ryuji:** man I love you but please never say those words in that order again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next (and final) chapter should be posted on Friday, this one was shorter because I couldn't figure out a different place to split it but next update is gonna be pretty long
> 
> the most exciting thing abt this chapter for me personally is Morgana finally learning how to use speech-to-text, I'm sad that the chatfic format means that he doesn't get as much attention
> 
> the hardest thing was editing out some of the swears because I decided halfway through the writing process that it's kinda cute actually that Ryuji tries to act tough but doesn't actually curse that much and legally cannot say fuck
> 
> I keep meaning to say in the notes where I borrowed various jokes from and then forgetting so like. assume if you think a line sounds like it's a reference to something, you're probably right. listen they're teenagers at varying degrees of Online^TM. off the top of my head, in this chapter there's a paraphrased John Mulaney line, a bit that's based on the main thing I took away from Gravity Falls, and Ann misusing a Legend of Korra meme. last time both Futaba and Akira quoted the same vine. it's fine everything is fine
> 
> not actually about the fic but. happy birthday @ my roommate, maybe if I post this early enough in the day you'll actually get the notification email while it's still your birthday, thanks for vibing with me while I rewrote the same scene at least five times <3
> 
> UPDATE: I now have a twitter specifically for posting my fic and I'm gonna be writing more p5 stuff so. if you like my content come find me @selkie_au_lover on twitter dot application


	5. be gay steal hearts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here we are, the final chapter: in which the gang discusses two of my favorite topics, postmodernism and queercoded villains

**_popping the biggest bottles (7 members, 6 online) - 1/20_ **

**Sumire:** ok so I have another question

 **Futaba:** go for it

 **Sumire:** did Akechi used to be…Like That

 **Ann:** I mean probably but he didn’t let us see that side of him y’know?

 **Ann:** not until he uh. kinda tried to kill us

 **Sumire:** huh ok I was just wondering because the few times we’d spoken before he seemed so polite and soft-spoken

 **Sumire:** I never would’ve expected him to act the way he does during combat

 **Sumire:** to be honest I still find it a little bit frightening, but Akira didn’t seem to find it unusual or concerning at all

 **Futaba:** morgana here and yeah honestly joker seems pretty into it whenever akechi gets like that if you know what I mean

 **Futaba:** futaba again and I did not need to know that morgana I swear if you mess with my computer without asking again to say cursed things I’m not buying you any more sushi for a month ok fine I’ll keep speech to text on as long as you behave

 **Ryuji:** mona’s not wrong though

 **Sumire:** yes he sure does spend a lot of time watching Akechi whenever he’s attacking

 **Makoto:** that’s why he kept getting hit the other day, just staring at akechi and forgetting to dodge

 **Yusuke:** I don’t understand, I personally find Joker’s attacks to be much more eye-catching and elegant

 **Yusuke:** I frequently forget myself while watching him

 **Futaba** : yeah but he’s such a disaster irl that it balances out

 **Futaba:** personally I think sumi is a lot more graceful and interesting to watch

 **Sumire:** awww thanks 💗

 **Makoto:** to be fair Haru is also an intense fighter and I don’t find that frightening

 **Makoto:** in fact I enjoy seeing that side of her

 **Ryuji:** yeah that’s bc ur gay

 **Futaba:** oh like u and joker aren’t gay for akechi

 **Ryuji:** fair lol

 **Makoto:** it is 😍

**_(2 online) - 1/21_ **

**Ryuji:** hey man u still down to hang out w ann n shiho tomorrow

 **Goro:** 5pm at that cafe ann pointed out to us before, correct?

 **Goro:** The one with the pastries she wants me to review for my food blog…

 **Ryuji:** yup that’s that the one

 **Ryuji:** don’t be late

 **Ryuji:** even though ann prob will be

 **Ryuji:** but don’t tell her I said that

 **Goro:** Wouldn’t dream of it

 **Ryuji:** shiho’s cool though

 **Ryuji:** easy to see why her happiness was the thing that ann wished for

 **Ryuji:** not that she’s not still happy though!!

 **Ryuji:** but ann felt pretty guilty abt what happened to her

 **Goro:** Does she know about the whole phantom thieves business

 **Ryuji:** yeah

 **Ryuji:** not all of it obvi but she knows abt me and ann and akira and she knows that there are others and like. some of what we do

 **Goro:** It’s a miracle you didn’t get caught a long time ago

 **Ryuji:** I know right!!! ann is such a bad liar!!!

 **Goro:** …

 **Ryuji:** I refer to us in public as the phantom thieves ONCE and no one ever lets me live it down!!

 **Ryuji:** ok it was more than once but still

 **Ryuji:** not like anyone was ever gonna take that seriously

 **Ryuji:** guess we were lucky our own personal javert was too busy being gay to notice

 **Goro:** There’s so much to unpack there that I don’t even know where to start telling you how wrong you are

 **Goro:** And don’t think you can distract me by referencing les mis I can’t believe you’re secretly a theater kid

 **Ryuji:** you take that back!!!

 **Ryuji:** my mom likes musicals and I just think some of them are kinda neat…….

 **Goro:** Fair

 **Goro:** But I still disagree with just about every word you said

 **Goro:** And for the record I did know who you were

 **Ryuji:** and you just sat on that info instead of releasing it because???? reasons?? that def had absolutely nothing to do w you being gay for joker?????

 **Goro:** No comment…

 **Ryuji:** love that ur not defending urself against being kin w javert

 **Goro:** I AM NOT

 **Ryuji:** look u were a detective who was completely obsessed w the ~criminal u were supposed to be chasing and did. a shit job of actually catching

 **Goro:** Ok what about the homoerotic rivalry though, that’s not very javert

 **Goro:** Not to mention the fact that the reason javert acts the way he does, his fatal flaw, is that he truly believes in the righteousness of the law to the exclusion of everything else and uses that as not only a framework for his behavior but also as the foundation of his entire identity. Whereas I know perfectly well that the law is complete fucking bullshit and always have

_(Goro is typing…)_

**Ryuji:** I beg 2 differ, there are productions that are just. straightup knifeplay

 **Goro:** Excuse me???

 **Ryuji:** you heard me

 **Ryuji:** ok but seriously though I have a question

 **Goro:** Yes?

 **Ryuji:** if you knew the whole the time what we were up to and akira knew that you knew the whole time why not. Idk change ur plan or something

 **Goro:** If he hadn’t noticed that I was up to something he wouldn’t have been much of a worthy rival

 **Ryuji:** when are y’all just gonna admit that rival is a fancy way to say ur gay

 **Goro:** But since I couldn’t tell what he was doing with that information there was no point ruining a perfectly good plan, it made more sense to stick with what I had and adapt if I had to

 **Goro:** The secret to winning at chess isn’t to have every move planned out, it’s to be able to react to everything your opponent does when they do it

 **Ryuji:** I literally don’t think that’s true u def just made that up

 **Ryuji:** wait are you even actually that good at chess or is that just part of ur image

 **Ryuji:** like I know it was ur and akira’s thing but like. u don’t have to be actually good when it’s just. an intricate ritual for flirting huh

 **Goro:** As if you haven’t done plenty of that kind of thing you’re a jock

 **Goro:** What else is all the “bro” stuff about

 **Ryuji:** shut up!!!!

 **Ryuji:** that is a tried and true flirting technique and see? it worked!!! multiple times!!!

 **Goro:** Keep telling yourself that 💖

 **Goro:** Bold of you to assume I like you for that and not in spite of it

 **Ryuji:** awww you ~like me

**_definitely not the phantom thieves (9 members, 8 online) - 1/22_ **

**Ann:** listen goro’s great and all but wow

 **Ann:** he sure did start quoting some random philosopher at shiho when all she said was that she didn’t expect him to be so genuine in person based on his tv interviews and it was nice to see his true self and oh boy

_(Goro is typing…)_

**Ann:** oops wrong chat

 **Ryuji:** lmao

 **Futaba:** f

 **Haru:** Oh dear

 **Yusuke:** Well, after all, what does a true self really mean, when we can only ever know facets of each other or even ourselves?

 **Yusuke:** If all we ever see are reflections, does that make each of the reflections equally true?

 **Goro:** Somewhere plato just rolled over in his grave

 **Goro:** I mostly agree with you though

 **Ann:** no don’t get him started!!!

 **Futaba:** letting them be friends was a mistake they’re just gonna encourage each other

 **Makoto:** I think you’re kind of missing the point of Plato’s allegory of the cave though

 **Makoto:** assuming that’s what you’re referencing

 **Ryuji:** aaaaand we have our third contender for most likely to say some pretentious bullshit

 **Goro:** Plato may have been foundational to western philosophy but that doesn’t mean he was right about everything

 **Makoto:** I just think if you’re going to apply that to our situation there are better ways to do it

 **Makoto:** isn’t introducing people who have only seen the shadows of what life could be to reality and setting them free from ignorance and complacency basically what we did by destroying mementos

 **Goro:** Wouldn’t know I wasn’t there

 **Yusuke:** Isn’t it the opposite? After all, we broke free from our metaphorical chains and found ourselves in a world of shadows

 **Akira:** except for the part where we were still being controlled

 **Ann:** and arguably we still are even after literally killing god

 **Makoto:** @Goro if you bring up nietzche I am kicking you out of the groupchat

 **Goro:** Wasn’t going to, I’m not really a fan…

 **Goro:** Even if the whole ‘killing god’ thing lends itself to that

 **Goro:** But I doubt nietzche had anything nearly as cliché as the power of friendship in mind

_(Haru is online)_

**Haru:** Sorry to interrupt and I know I’m late to the conversation but I agree with Yusuke!

 **Haru:** It’s not like I’m any more or less authentic here than in the Metaverse, for example, or between who I am at school and who I am at business functions.

 **Haru:** Okay maybe I wouldn’t consider that last one to be my most genuine self because I do spend the majority of meetings censoring myself but it’s still a part of who I am, you know?

 **Ann:** yeah def!!!

 **Ann:** I feel kinda the same way abt modeling!!!

 **Ann:** I mean. I think I enjoy that a bit more than you enjoy boring capitalism meetings but

 **Ann:** I’m still more of my real self w y’all or by myself than I am at work

 **Futaba:** Idk I’m gonna disagree like. sure u act different ways around different ppl but doesn’t mean that ur actual truest self is who you are when ur alone

 **Goro:** Is anyone ever really alone though

 **Goro:** I didn’t mean that to sound so creepy all I meant was

 **Goro:** Isn’t everyone constantly performing for an audience whether other people are able to observe or not? Even the audience is just yourself and how you’ve internalized other people’s judgments and expectations?

 **Ryuji:** oof

 **Ryuji:** that sounds like it kinda sucks tbh

 **Ryuji:** like yeah I get u but also damn

 **Goro:** So then isn’t every version of yourself equally false, with no single underlying true self?

 **Futaba:** nothing is true everything is permitted

 **Futaba:** I Had to, sorry

 **Ryuji:** no ur not

 **Ann:** I’m banning futaba for being a gamer on main

 **Futaba:** yeah that’s fair

 **Goro:** She’s right though

 **Makoto:** but if everything is equally false doesn’t that make everything equally true?

 **Goro:** I suppose you have a point but

_(Goro is typing…)_

**Ann:** stop being so competitive and admit that makoto is right for once!!

 **Goro:** It’s really just a matter of opinion, a glass half full vs half empty sort of thing, which is fitting since everything in life is really a matter of perspective rather than any sort of objective reality, therefore everyone makes their own meanings and these interpretations in turn construct the world as we perceive it. I think you’re all already familiar with this considering the way that people’s beliefs and interpretations have a direct tangible impact on the metaverse, along with the role that reputation and gossip and the social construction of categories like villain and criminal played in both of our lines of work, but still I suppose it’s nice to have concrete evidence that the world operates according to the principle of ‘death of the author.’ Then again, in a world where our destinies were being ‘written,’ so to speak, by an outside force, ‘death of the author’ can be seen as symbolically killing god, in addition to the fact that akira literally shot him in the face with the force of humanity’s belief in a specific narrative, so we’ve come back around to nietzsche anyway… trust me I’m no happier about it than you are

 _(2 people reacted with_ 🙅 _; 1 person reacted with_ 👍 _; 1 person reacted with_ 🖕 _)_

 **Goro:** I feel like you should know by now that I would literally rather die than be less competitive

 **Akira:** 😢

 **Ryuji:** hey!! stop making my bf sad!!!

 **Goro:** Oh so *now* he’s your boyfriend

 **Goro:** But when he wants someone to buy him every single horrible tacky souvenir at the aquarium gift shop then he’s my problem? Or when he wants someone to kiss him first thing in the morning even though his mouth tastes gross and there’s cat hair in it because he won’t stop kissing the top of morgana’s head when he’s shedding?

 **Ryuji:** yep!!

 **Akira:** hey

 **Akira:** don’t be mean about my cat

 **Akira:** anyway when ryuji wants someone to work out w him then it’s ur turn to be his bf glad we sorted this out

_(Sumire is online)_

**Sumire:** oh no you’re not getting out of exercising that easily, you still have to train with me

 **Ryuji:** guess we know how to summon sumi now lol

 **Akira:** do I have to though

 **Sumire:** yes ^_^

 **Sumire:** ok break’s over! back to practice!

 **Futaba:** good luck!!

**Sumire: 💗**

_(Sumire is offline)_

**Ann:** yes you two are very cute

 **Ann:** but as I was SAYING

 **Ann:** literally earlier today you were saying something abt how ur interviews were still you or whatever so where’s all this ~everything is fake actually~ edgy nonsense coming from

 **Goro:** Yes but there was context for that

 **Goro:** My point is that even though the facade that I put on for the interviews is arguably the least genuine, it’s still a facade that allowed me to speak my mind in a way I couldn’t in any other part of my life

 **Goro:** Though the philosopher I cited earlier was Foucault, I think Oscar Wilde put it more concisely when he said “Man is least himself when he talks in his own person, give him a mask and he will tell you the truth”

 **Goro:** Sure, I didn’t actually believe anything I said about trusting the system or the necessity of leaving justice to the police obviously, that was entirely bullshit and what people wanted to hear, but I stand by everything I said about how no one should be able to use the metaverse to take away other people’s agency or change who they are without their consent

 **Goro:** I understand that what you were doing as the phantom thieves is different than what I was doing or what shido was doing or what maruki is doing now, and that in some cases you did have explicit consent but

 **Goro:** When the only thing you can ever rely on is yourself, you tend to be suspicious of anything that could take away any bit of your selfhood away from you

 **Goro:** And are your desires and your mistakes not part of who you are?

 **Yusuke:** I see, your resistance to Maruki’s entire objective makes so much sense now

 **Ann:** I get it!!

 **Ann:** we’re all working towards the same goal of a more just society and we even mostly broadly agree on what that means it’s just we have different ways of getting there bc of our individual circumstances and stuff so like. in a way we've always been on the same side???

 **Goro:** One for all, all for justice am I right

 **Makoto:** oh is that the My Hero Academia thing?

_(several people are typing…)_

**Ann:** makoto!!!!! no!!!

 **Ann:** like I guess it's fair if ur not up on the cool new kids show but like. how have you avoided the commercials for the proof of justice toys......... they're everywhere............

 **Makoto:** I don't watch much tv...

 **Futaba:** didn't u and haru literally watch a bunch of my hero academia together....... I def remember making haru text me abt ur reactions to certain episodes............

 **Haru:** Yes! Mako-chan we need to watch more of that next time we hang out, I think you’ll really like the next arc! The character who reminds me of you gets more screen time

 **Goro:** Different franchises but the same concept is broadly applicable

 **Ryuji:** more importantly hey??? why are we just finding out now that you’re into a series where the main character’s power is literally just. the power of friendship lol

 **Futaba:** also literally the next line in the catchphrase after all for one, one for justice is 'put your hearts together with your friends' and u know what that sounds like to me?? also the power of friendship

 **Ryuji:** so much for thinking that’s overrated and stupid

 **Goro:** Bold of you to assume I’m not more interested in the villains

 **Goro:** Also apologies for having different standards for shows for children than I do for my own life

 **Akira:** no wait I bet you like that dude with all the hands don’t you

 **Goro:** …No comment

**_(2 online) - 1/23_ **

**Makoto:** hey thanks for helping me study today

 **Makoto:** also for making us take a break to get food, I really needed that

 **Goro:** Anytime

 **Goro:** Someone told me recently that breaks are important

 **Makoto:** wonder who that could have been

 **Goro:** Morgana

 **Makoto:** it was morgana wasn’t it

 **Goro:** Sure was

 **Makoto:** of course

 **Makoto:** but still I appreciate it

 **Makoto:** sometimes I wish you’d gone to shujin, it would’ve been nice to have a little competition for top of the class

 **Goro:** Not afraid of losing your spot?

 **Makoto:** oh I think I could hold my own

 **Goro:** I’m sure you could ^_^

 **Makoto:** sure you won’t reconsider college?

 **Goro:** Even if I did I wouldn’t do pre-law like you

 **Goro:** I think I’m a little bit. Burned out on legal stuff to be honest with you

 **Makoto:** understandable

 **Makoto:** I guess being arrested for being a serial killer will do that to you

 **Goro:** Hey I was an assassin there’s a difference

 **Makoto:** is there???

 **Goro:** First of all assassin sounds cooler and sexier than either serial killer or hitman

 **Goro:** Second of all, if you really want to get into this, serial killer implies that I was acting on my own and killing for the sake of it, and hitman implies something significantly more mercenary and money/career driven

 **Makoto:** assassinations are supposed to have political motivation though

 **Goro:** …I was working for a politician

 **Makoto:** point taken

 **Makoto:** regardless

 **Makoto:** still a reasonable deterrent from wanting to go to law school

 **Goro:** Also you’ll forgive me for being a little bit disillusioned with our country’s criminal justice system considering. Everything

 **Goro:** We both know that that’s not the way to true justice

 **Goro:** Honestly I’m surprised you’re still interested in that kind of career path

 **Makoto:** so was my sister

 **Makoto:** but even she changed her focus a bit, haven’t you heard?

 **Makoto:** she quit being a prosecutor, now she’s a public defender so she can actually help people

 **Makoto:** and I know we don’t necessarily agree on what justice means but I think that’s a bit closer to both of our ideas

 **Makoto:** actually I think you should talk to her, she might be able to help you figure out what you want to do with your life

 **Goro:** Hm

 **Makoto:** you haven’t spoken to her since christmas eve have you

 **Makoto:** and that really really doesn’t count since you sure didn’t actually tell her anything

 **Goro:** Nope

 **Makoto:** you should, I think

 **Makoto:** she worries about you

 **Goro:** She shouldn’t, I did ruin her career to further my own goals

 **Makoto:** somehow I think she’ll manage to forgive you considering. she literally already switched careers and clearly she’s doing fine

 **Makoto:** but she uh. understandably has some concern for you considering everything that’s happened

 **Makoto:** like obviously she doesn’t know all of it but

 **Goro:** Hmmm

 **Makoto:** you know, I used to be jealous of you because of how much she talked about you

 **Makoto:** sometimes I felt like she would rather be your big sister than mine

 **Goro:** I can assure you that’s not true

 **Goro:** She was so proud of you, she talked about you all the time  
 **Makoto:** oh

 **Goro:** To be honest I was pretty jealous of you also

 **Makoto:** yeah you really need to have a conversation with her wow

 **Makoto:** not right now though she’s probably asleep already

 **Makoto:** or if she isn’t she should be

 **Goro:** And so should you

 **Makoto:** I’m working on it

 **Makoto:** but also I’m not going to bed until you promise to talk to Sae

 **Goro:** Ugh fine

 **Goro:** Now go away already we have a long day of infiltrating a palace tomorrow

 **Makoto:** good night

 **Makoto:** you better get some sleep too

 **Makoto:** or else

 **Goro:** Good night

_(Makoto is offline)_

**_definitely not the phantom thieves (9 members, 9 online) - 1/25_ **

**Makoto:** how’s everyone feeling?

 **Makoto:** that was a tough fight today, you all did a great job

 **Ryuji:** awww thanks mom

 **Yusuke:** The shadows didn’t even touch me

 **Ann:** show off……

 **Yusuke:** Due to the much-appreciated efforts of my teammates

 **Ann:** oh. ur welcome then <3

 **Makoto:** what about you, Sumire?

 **Sumire:** I’m fine! it was a little scary there for a while but I’m all better now!

 **Makoto:** Goro? you were getting pretty beat up too, how are you feeling?

 **Goro:** Oh, I’ve had worse

_(everyone is typing…)_

**Goro:** When I got top surgery I couldn’t lift my arms for months outside of the Metaverse

 **Goro:** Wait, did you think I meant when I died?

 **Ryuji:** kinda, yeah

 **Goro:** Sorry to disappoint ^_^

 **Ryuji:** dude we talked about this, being flippant about your death makes akira sad

 **Akira:** 😢😢😢

 **Sumire:** oh I didn’t realize! sorry! it’s so nice to meet another fellow trans person, I used to not have any trans friends 😔

 **Goro:** It’s not exactly public knowledge

 **Goro:** I did a Very good job falsifying all of my records

 **Akira:** wish I’d been able to do that

 **Goro:** There are some perks to working for a corrupt politician and also using the metaverse to manipulate, blackmail, and threaten people into doing whatever you need them to do

 **Futaba:** be gay do crimes

 **Goro:** Exactly

 **Ann:** hell yeah

 **Ryuji:** our team motto

 **Makoto:** we are thieves after all

( _Ryuji changed the chat name to ‘be gay steal hearts’)_

 **Yusuke:** Out of curiosity, does this mean that you did in fact name yourself after Kogoro Akechi?

 **Goro:** Sometimes you choose your name when you’re fourteen and have a very specific idea of who you want to be and then you’re stuck with it

 **Goro:** Anyway I’m more famous now so who’s the real winner

 **Akira:** me ❤️

 **Goro:** Check your chosen one privilege

 **Akira:** because I’m dating you 😎 👉👉

 **Goro:** That was so bad

 **Goro:** Bold of you to assume we’re still dating after that

 **Ryuji:** hey what about me

 **Ann:** joker has two hands

 **Goro:** I’m only breaking up with akira, you haven’t committed any pun crimes yet

 **Yusuke:** What happened to not being a cop anymore?

 **Futaba:** gee akira how come yaldaboath lets you have two bfs

 **Akira:** wildcard babey

**_(2 online) - 1/25_ **

**Sumire:** hey thanks for helping me out today, it was a little scary for a while

 **Goro:** Anytime ^_^

 **Goro:** Happy to dismember a shadow before it can cause you too much damage

 **Sumire:** you can be a little scary too sometimes

 **Goro:** So I’ve been told

 **Goro:** I take that as a compliment

 **Sumire:** I’m not sure that’s always how it’s intended

 **Sumire:** I mean it as a compliment! obviously! I think you’re really impressive!

 **Sumire:** but I can see why people might be afraid of you

 **Goro:** They probably should be

 **Sumire:** yes I’m sure you’re very intimidating to your enemies

 **Sumire:** and honestly I was a bit caught off guard by how different you are in the metaverse to how you were acting when I first met you

 **Sumire:** but actually now that I’ve spent more time with you in the real world you’re not that scary at all. most of the time

 **Goro:** Excuse you I’m very terrifying

 **Sumire:** whatever you say senpai

 **Sumire:** anyway do you want to go to the park with me and Akira tomorrow?

 **Goro:** You sure you’re ok with third-wheeling

 **Goro:** Don’t want to make it a double date

 **Sumire:** what are you talking about?! I’m not seeing anyone

 **Goro:** Yeah sure

 **Goro:** Definitely nothing happening between you and futaba then

 **Sumire:** I don’t know what you’re talking about!

 **Sumire:** we’re friends and I admire her, that’s all!

 **Goro:** In a completely platonic heterosexual way I’m sure

 **Sumire:** yes! except I don’t do anything that’s heterosexual but you know what I mean!

 **Goro:** I sure do 😏

**_be gay steal hearts (9 member, 9 online) - 1/25_ **

**Ann:** hey goro you’re a lot more active in the chat this time around it’s nice

 **Ann:** like you still just kinda lurk most of the time but at least you respond at all

 **Akechi:** Not like I have anything better to do since I don’t have homework anymore

 **Ryuji:** so jealous

 **Goro:** Also last time I had notifications muted for everyone except makoto and akira

 **Akira:** aw thanks babe

 **Futaba:** WOW

 **Futaba:** RUDE

 **Haru:** So did I for a while…

 **Haru:** I love you all dearly but you do talk a lot

 **Futaba:** the betrayal……. haru how could you

 **Haru:** Sorry 💖

 **Makoto:** no you’re valid it can be a lot sometimes, I also mute this chat occasionally when I’m trying to focus on schoolwork

 **Ryuji:** nerd

 **Makoto:** :(

 **Akira:** morgana here and like you have any room to talk

 **Ryuji:** I don’t study for fun!!!

 **Makoto:** it’s not for fun! it’s so that I can get the most out of my education in order to prepare for my future!

 **Makoto:** ok maybe it’s a little bit for fun but learning can be enjoyable if it’s a subject you’re interested in

 **Yusuke:** Agreed

 **Makoto:** the educational system is failing you by making you think that learning has to be unpleasant

 **Akira:** still morgana and that’s fair and all but ryuji I’m not calling you a nerd for how much studying you do or don’t do I’m calling you a nerd because you regularly stay up all night to read manga and also I watched you cry over featherman last night and then monologue for almost an hour about how good and well written and thematically coherent it is

 **Ann:** eyes emoji

 **Ryuji:** yeah we were catching up on the episodes that we’ve all missed since. y’know. everything’s been happening

 **Ann:** and by we you mean……

 **Ryuji:** me and akira and goro and also morgana was there too for part of it until he left us for futaba bc we started being too pda

 **Ryuji:** you know. bros night

 **Akira:** *date night

 **Ann:** eyes emoji intensifies

 **Ryuji:** anyway /someone/ doesn’t like ‘I want a love so strong it’d bring me back from the dead', objectively the best featherman episode ever

 **Ryuji:** imagine thinking it’s ~cheesy and ~overdramatic and ~not tonally consistent with the rest of the season

 **Ryuji:** imagine being that wrong and not realizing that it’s the whole point!!! that episode is everything!!!!!

 **Yusuke:** The episode came out last summer, why are you still debating about it now?

 **Yusuke:** Also, there is no such thing as objective when it comes to art

 **Futaba:** are you calling featherman art

 **Yusuke:** Television is an art form, yes

 **Futaba:** ok good just wanted to confirm, I’m screenshotting that so you can’t take it back

 **Futaba:** also that’s a good point I thought you said you were watching the stuff you missed

 **Ryuji:** yeah but it had been a while and you can’t just start in the middle like what if you’ve forgotten some of the context!!

 **Ryuji:** so uh. actually we just watched the entire reboot

 **Makoto:** no wonder none of you were awake this morning when I was trying to meet up for breakfast

 **Sumire:** I had a lovely time 😊😊😊

 **Makoto:** as did I!

 **Goro:** Sorry for sleeping through all of your texts

 **Goro:** I had to stay up late defending my point of view because *someone* thinks that anything that elicits a strong emotional reaction is automatically good writing

 **Ryuji:** I saw you cry multiple times last night don’t even try that

 **Goro:** Yes and as I said last night, that doesn’t necessarily mean it was well-written or thematically coherent

 **Goro:** There could have been a different ending to that season which was equally moving but would hold up to even a little bit of literary analysis

 **Goro:** And I will never accept that ‘I want a love’ is a good episode

 **Goro:** It’s trite and melodramatic and everyone is horribly out of character the entire time

 **Futaba:** I really truly hate to say this but I agree with u on this one

 **Goro:** Thank you

 **Futaba:** still on thin fucking ice for thinking 2 is the best season of the original

 **Ryuji:** I gotta admit the reboot has grown on me a lot

 **Ryuji:** and a big part of that is how good the ending was @Goro

 **Goro:** You don’t need to @ me, I’m already participating in the conversation ^_^

 **Ryuji:** anyway @Goro how does it feel to be so wrong

 **Goro:** I wouldn’t know, I should be asking you

 **Akira:** fight nicely

 **Yusuke:** No flirting in the groupchat

 **Ryuji:** that’s not a rule!!!

 **Ryuji:** if it was most of you would’ve been kicked out already

 **Ryuji:** we’d have to permaban akira

 **Ryuji:** sorry babe but you know it’s true

 **Akira:** 😘

 **Sumire:** is he always like this?

 **Sumire:** oh I’m so sorry that was supposed to be a private message!!!! I’m so sorry!!!!

 **Akira:** nah you’re fine

 **Futaba:** and yes. yes he is

 **Ann:** we all are tbh

 **Ann:** this is a fairly standard amount of nonsense for us

 **Goro:** How any of you ever got anything done is beyond me

 **Futaba:** power of friendship, obviously,

 **Goro:** Of course

 **Akira:** do I detect sarcasm

 **Goro:** Wouldn’t dream of it

 **Ann:** anyway also not like you have any room to talk abt us getting sidetracked and flirting and whatever

 **Ann:** considering a big reason we always used to get sidetracked is gossiping abt akira’s big dumb crush on you

 **Ann:** we even made an entirely separate groupchat for that

 **Makoto:** Ann!

 **Haru:** Ann…

 **Futaba:** ANN

 **Futaba:** morgana here and you didn’t have to tell them that

 **Futaba:** still morgana that was our secret third groupchat for a reason

 **Akira:** I already knew lmao

 **Futaba:** ok who’s the narc

 **Futaba:** makoto is it you

 **Ryuji:** it was me actually

 **Ryuji:** it was an accident!!! I swear!!!! but I kinda mentioned what you guys were saying about how uh. extremely obvious they were when we all got together

 **Goro:** To be fair I’m not sure how I ever got anything done either, considering how distracted I was since my feelings were apparently so very obvious to everyone except me

 **Akira:** aww babe you had a crush on me

 **Goro:** Allegedly

 **Goro:** 💖

**_(2 online) - 1/25_ **

**Ann:** hey sorry if I put you on the spot there, didn’t mean to make you uncomf or anything

 **Ann:** I just meant that it’s. kinda next that you’re our friend now

 **Ann:** I wouldn’t’ve expected u to be this cool

 **Ann:** wait I’m so sorry that was also kinda mean

 **Goro:** Oh no how will I ever recover from that devastating insult

 **Ann:** you’ll manage somehow

 **Ann:** but seriously though

 **Ann:** don’t wanna pressure you into like. being sociable if u don’t wanna be y’know?

 **Goro:** Are you trying to tell me that it’s ok to relax and be myself

 **Ann:** yeah kinda

 **Ann:** listen when u say it like that it sounds like you’re making fun of me but I mean it

 **Goro:** Of course you do

 **Ann:** ok this is prob gonna sound meaner than it’s supposed to but like

 **Ann:** we do actually like the real you a lot better

 **Ann:** as you are now y’know?

 **Ann:** please don’t get all postmodernist on me right now you know what I mean!!

 **Ann:** sure you were all nice and polite before but it felt so. fake and patronizing

 **Ann:** like every conversation was some weird combo of an interview and a lecture

 **Ann:** and you were just like. too good to be true y’know

 **Ann:** so yeah it’s better now that you’re letting us see that you have a personality

 **Ann:** even if that personality is uhhh kinda scary sometimes

 **Goro:** Sorry

 **Ann:** no ur not

 **Goro:** Nope not even a little bit

 **Goro:** I mean. I’m sorry about some other stuff

 **Ann:** like betraying us? and also the murder?

 **Goro:** Yeah that

 **Goro:** Well,

 **Goro:** Some of the murder anyway

 **Ann:** yeah ok I guess that’s fair

 **Ann:** like listen. the first time we stole someone’s heart we straight up didn’t really know what would happen

 **Ann:** like mona said he would prob be fine but also he didn’t really know for sure bc none of us had ever done it before and like. tbh I would’ve been fine if kamoshida died y’know

 **Ann:** so much that I even. seriously considered killing him myself and maybe would’ve if no one else had been there

 **Goro:** Do you regret leaving him alive

 **Ann:** no actually

 **Ann:** I thought I might but nah

 **Ann:** he lost everything and he has to live w what he did and tbh for him that’s probably worse than death

 **Ann:** Idk probably the answer I should give is that I’m glad he’s alive so he can face some consequences bc justice or whatever

 **Ann:** but honestly I’m glad he has to suffer for longer

 **Ann:** Idk

 **Ann:** do u regret that u didn’t kill shido

_(Goro is typing…)_

_(Goro is typing…)_

**Goro:** Yes

 **Goro:** No

 **Goro:** I don’t know

 **Goro:** I regret dying before seeing his downfall definitely

 **Goro:** And I can appreciate that his defeat was. Fitting and poetic and all that

 **Goro:** Probably that was justice

 **Goro:** But part of me still wishes I’d gotten to watch him die by my hand

 **Goro:** I guess it’s not too late for that, but akira would be So Disappointed

 **Goro:** Have you ever seen him pout it’s awful

 **Ann:** I think he looks adorable like that

 **Goro:** Yeah that’s what I mean

 **Goro:** No one should be allowed to be that cute

**_(2 online) - 1/27_ **

**Ann:** hey I know we’ve all been. y’know. concerned abt akira and goro lately bc of maruki’s deadline and what if goro disappears which. obviously I’m super stressed about but Idk I just wanted to make sure ur handling everything ok too

 **Ann:** also bc ur more likely to actually tell me if something is wrong than either of those repressed idiots

 **Ryuji:** nah it’s cool I mean. I think it’ll be fine. probably

 **Ryuji:** and if it’s not they’ve got a plan

 **Ann:** the whole wish thing is really kinda romantic, u know???

 **Ryuji:** oh it extremely is

 **Ryuji:** listen I’m very happy w both of them but I’m glad I’m not like. directly part of that particular thing, that star-crossed bullshit is too much effort for me

 **Ryuji:** don’t get me wrong I love watching them and their whole. dynamic but I’m perfectly happy with what I have

 **Ryuji:** I like to just kick goro’s ass at mario kart and then make out

 **Ryuji:** and akira and I are always there for each other and he’s like. home y’know

 **Ryuji:** I don’t need a whole fraught rivalry thing

 **Ann:** it’s very featherman isn’t it

 **Ann:** a love so strong and all that

 **Ryuji:** yeah lol

 **Ryuji:** see goro will be fine

 **Ryuji:** he’s got the power of gay love and anime on his side

**_popping the biggest bottles (7 members, 7 online) - 1/29_ **

**Sumire:** has Joker always had that grappling hook?

 **Ryuji:** impressive, right?

 **Sumire:** very impressive

 **Haru:** It certainly is a good look for him, not that he has many bad looks

 **Makoto:** makes him look like a real superhero

 **Ann:** a very sexy superhero

 **Ryuji:** isn’t that like. the whole point of superheroes

_(Futaba is typing…)_

 **Yusuke:** Yes, I believe you’re correct, at least when depicted in visual media like comic books or movies

_(Futaba is typing…)_

**Yusuke:** Visual media is meant to be aesthetically striking, and superheroes are meant to represent idealized versions of humanity, therefore the attractiveness of heroes is thematically and artistically relevant to the genre

_(Futaba is typing…)_

**Ann:** yeah or it’s the eurocentric patriarchal beauty standards, one or the other

 **Futaba:** inari I thought I taught you better!!! that’s such an oversimplification of what it means to be a superhero!! like yeah distinctive visuals are super important but it’s about letting you know stuff about the characters without having to say it not just about how hot they are!!!!

 **Futaba:** to be fair though lots of them are pretty hot

 **Ann:** Idk I’ve always been more into the villains, they always get to have cooler outfits

 **Ryuji:** let me guess, ur a catwoman fan

 **Ann:** what gave it away

 **Ann:** ok but seriously I love her. also mystique. or like. beryl from sailor moon

 **Ann:** love an evil woman who gets back at the world and makes men afraid and looks incredibly hot while doing it

 **Ann:** goals tbh

 **Makoto:** yes I agree

 **Sumire:** me too

 **Makoto:** though to be honest I was more of a Sailor Mercury fan as a kid

 **Futaba:** somehow that doesn’t surprise me

 **Ryuji:** I liked tuxedo mask but like. in retrospect I prob just thought the cape was sexy and hadn’t realized I was bi yet

 **Haru:** Suddenly your attraction to Akira specifically as Joker makes so much more sense

 **Ryuji:** listEN

 **Ann:** we’re listening

 **Ryuji:** how bout we go back to everyone thinking my bf is hot

 **Ryuji:** bc we should always be talking about that at all times

 **Yusuke:** The way he handles his grappling hook is a work of art

 **Yusuke:** As is the way his coat flows around him

 **Yusuke:** Someday I hope to be worthy of capturing the image on canvas

 **Sumire:** he is certainly far more graceful and elegant in the metaverse than I’ve ever seen him in real life

 **Futaba:** unfortunately mona agrees with yusuke

 **Futaba:** he’s saying things about how ~suave and ~alluring it makes him

 **Futaba:** something something the epitome of what a gentleman thief should be asdhgskjgh

 **Futaba:** nbgdfhjsbkuyer9w74thblsbgtyioab&^*(#Rvr

 **Futaba:** sorry

 **Futaba:** mona jumped on my keyboard and tried to turn on speech to text

 **Futaba:** zkndgei4Bhjrb23bb

 **Futaba:** and succeeded finally sorry futaba I can’t believe you would censor the truth all I’m saying is that joker is what we should all aspire to be and the sight of him should spark your own will of rebellion and remind you of why we are the phantom thieves and also how important it is to do what we do with style

 **Futaba:** /anyway/

 **Futaba:** I personally wanna to hear more about how ann’s into villains

 **Futaba:** how has this never come up in any of our featherman conversations

 **Futaba:** because wow there are some hot lady featherman villains

 **Ann:** and I sure do love them and want them to step on me yes

 **Ann:** actually there’s that one from season 2 that kinda reminds me of akira’s joker look

 **Ann:** wow she was cool and deserved better

 **Futaba:** agreed

 **Ryuji:** it’s the gloves isn’t it

 **Ryuji:** and the coat

 **Ryuji:** her coat looked kinda like joker’s and it was a Good Look

 **Yusuke:** Is this just becoming the chat where we’re thirsty for Joker, because if so we should probably invite Akechi

 **Ryuji:** but her gloves are more like goro’s and that’s also extremely sexy

 **Futaba:** oh no who taught inari what thirsty means

 **Ryuji:** you could be thirsty in the main chat to his face if u weren’t such cowards

 **Ann:** prob shouldn’t tbh we don’t need him backreading and seeing the shit we said abt him when we were enemies……. like I know at the time we were valid and correct but things are different now and like. we really were pretty mean

 **Ann:** he was also mean to us! but we’re not like that to each other anymore and I think we should try to keep it that way

 **Haru:** Maybe he wouldn’t backread, it would take so long to scroll through everything

 **Makoto:** yeah no he definitely would he’s nosy and has no sense of emotional self-preservation

 **Futaba:** oof

 **Ann:** maybe you should’ve been our therapist instead of maruki

 **Ryuji:** just wanted to let y’all know that I’ve been letting goro read all this over my shoulder

 **Ryuji:** because as you correctly pointed out. being gay for joker is very relevant to his interests

 **Ryuji:** oh now he’s pouting at me for calling him out like that

 **Ann:** ask about his opinion on queercoded villains

 **Futaba:** oh I think we know the answer to that

 **Futaba:** we’ve all seen his metaverse outfit

 **Futaba:** WAIT NO

 **Futaba:** speaking of his metaverse look

 **Futaba:** ask his opinion on marvel loki

 **Ryuji:** he said we DON’T talk about that

 **Ryuji:** and he’s giving me his scary look

 **Ann:** yeah don’t pretend ur not into that

 **Ann:** we all have the receipts

 **Ryuji:** now he’s laughing at me :///

 **Futaba:** ok but when are u gonna ask him the real question

 **Futaba:** is he also a villainfucker

 **Ryuji:** he says it depends on how you define villain and you know what I’m just gonna give him my phone lol

 **Ryuji:** Villain is such a relative term and depends on how a character’s actions are framed which is often based on the values of the creators or the message they’re trying to express, which I believe I mentioned briefly when we talked about death of the author and the narrative construction of reality

 **Futaba:** don’t remind us

 **Ryuji:** As well as your own values and baggage as the audience, based on your perspective the protagonist might be a villain if you disagree with their methods or their goals

 **Ryuji:** Or you might recontexualize the entire trope to view ‘villain’ as a positive thing because it means going against the rules of an unjust system, if you agree with their actions no matter how negatively they’re framed

 **Ryuji:** But to answer your question as a child I preferred heroes that were good in a way I thought was simple and uncomplicated until I realized I would never be like that because people like me aren’t meant to win

 **Ryuji:** And then I gravitated toward characters who embraced their own villainy and monstrosity, because those were the only characters I could see myself in, before realizing that maybe the heroes I had idolized and then dismissed for their goodness were more complicated than I had realized

 **Ryuji:** However villains still have more style and provide more catharsis so in general that’s who I prefer

 **Ann:** sometimes you gotta be the queercoded villain u wanna see in the world

 **Ryuji:** Would also like to point out that by most measures including aesthetic coding, public opinion, and legal definitions joker counts as a villain

 **Makoto:** by those standards we all do

 **Futaba:** not that we didn’t already know that but cool thanks for the villainfucker confirmation goro

 **Ryuji:** Yes fine you got me I'm a villainfucker

 **Ann:** villain4villain

 **Sumire:** the most important question though

 **Sumire:** you’re pro-grappling hook, right?

 **Ryuji:** Obviously

 **Ryuji:** I’m a man of taste

 _(4 people reacted with_ 😂 _)_

_(Yusuke changed the name of the chat to ‘Joker’s Grappling Hook Appreciation Society’)_

**Ryuji:** Also you all do realize that akira is with us as well and has been reading over my shoulder this entire time, right?

 **Yusuke:** I stand by my artistic judgments

 **Ann:** I mean it’s not like he didn’t already know that we all know how hot he is

**_(2 online) - 1/30_ **

**Akira:** you are gonna stick around after we finish defeating maruki right

 **Akira:** actually no I shouldn’t have framed that as a question we’re not letting you disappear again

 **Akira:** after you died I was a mess and if I didn’t have such a clear goal to keep me focused I think I would’ve fallen apart completely

 **Akira:** I never wanna feel like that again

 **Goro:** Oh

 **Goro:** I’m sorry for putting you through that

 **Akira:** I don’t want you to be sorry, I want you to stay!

 **Goro:** I’ll try

_(Akira is typing…)_

**Goro:** I promise

 **Goro:** I don’t think that’s something you’ll have to worry about anyway

 **Goro:** I know what maruki said but if I’m right

 **Goro:** And I usually am

 **Akira:** wow way to be humble

 **Goro:** Then I don’t think my survival is tied to his powers at all, I think it’s us

 **Goro:** And honestly whose expertise of the metaverse are you going to trust, someone who’s only been able to access it for a month or someone who’s been practically living there for the past three years

 **Akira:** you

 **Akira:** the answer is always you

 **Akira:** ok that’s my sappy stuff for today, can we get back to what you meant abt how you’re not actually dead

 **Goro:** First of all it would absolutely take more than that to kill me, have you even met me

 **Goro:** And I think it’s a combination of that and. You know how morgana came back because cognition can have an impact on this world too especially when whatever the fuck happened with mementos happened and you all believed in him or whatever so he could stick around

 **Akira:** was there. more to that

 **Goro:** You’re really gonna make me spell it out

 **Goro:** I know you’re smarter than that

 **Akira:** just wanna hear you say that maybe the power of friendship is good actually

 **Goro:** Absolutely not

 **Akira:** obvi you’re very impressive on your own and I def appreciate that you’re too spiteful to die

 **Akira:** but I *am* making you talk abt your feelings right now

 **Goro:** I hate you

 **Akira:** sure you do

 **Goro:** Yes yes fine

 **Goro:** I appreciate that your friends cared enough that I was able to stay real and alive and that you couldn’t envision an ideal world without me in it

 **Goro:** I’m flattered even though it was unnecessary and. Well. You know how I feel about maruki’s methods

 **Goro:** But if our situations were somehow reversed I’d like to think my feelings for you would have the same effect

 **Akira:** whoa warn a guy first

 **Akira:** you made me blush you asshole

 **Goro:** Oh yeah? What are you gonna do about it? Gonna come over here and kiss me?

 **Akira:** it’s late and the trains are gonna stop soon and also morgana is yelling at me to go to bed :/

 **Goro:** Coward

 **Akira:** yeah? then why don’t *you* come over here instead

 **Goro:** Ok listen

 **Akira:** I’m listening

 **Goro:** I don’t. Actually have a clever answer sorry

 **Akira:** wow can’t believe you’re not ready w a comeback at all times

 **Goro:** What can I say, you’re very distracting

 **Akira:** so I’ve heard 😊

 **Goro:** 😘

 **Akira:** 😘

**_be gay steal hearts (9 members, 6 online) - 1/31_ **

**Futaba:** ok but @Goro the most important question…………

 **Futaba:** drumroll please

 **Futaba:** is…………..

 **Goro:** Yes?

 **Futaba:** what’s the plural of persona

 **Futaba:** and yes there IS a right answer

 **Goro:** Depends on how you’re using it in the sentence

 **Goro:** If it’s the subject it’s personae but if it’s the direct object it’s personas, indirect object personis, etc

 **Futaba:** nope wrong answer

 **Ann:** ok but for the sake of argument

 **Yusuke:** Oh dear.

 **Ann:** can you explain something to me

 **Goro:** Of course ^_^

 **Futaba:** 🍿🍿🍿

 **Ryuji:** @Makoto make them stop!!!!!!

 **Makoto:** no I’m curious about where this is going

 **Ann:** why do you care about the latin whatever if we’re using an english loanword in japanese isn’t that kinda pointless and like. making more work for urself just to stick to a meaningless arbitrary standard

 **Ryuji:** oof

 **Goro:** I mean. You’re not wrong but

 **Ann:** I rest my case

 **Ann:** so now we can stop having this argument, leave the personas' linguistic nonsense alone

 **Goro:** *personarum

_(Goro has been removed from the chat)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't worry, they let him back into the groupchat eventually (like 5 minutes later)
> 
> shout out to my roommate for almost convincing me to include the line "literary analysis is deeply disrespectful" in the section where they argue about Featherman. that curséd tweet will never leave us alone
> 
> yes I rewatched Proof of Justice again to get the exact wording of the slogan on that toy that Joker gets super emo over, maybe I do have a little bit of a problem
> 
> the knifeplay Les Mis is the 2014 Broadway revival (the one starring Ramin Karimloo)
> 
> Makoto's favorite My Hero Academia character is Momo, the arc that she and Haru are about to get to is the one where she and Todoroki fight Aizawa together
> 
> I'm a little bit sorry for making so many jokes at the expense of people know Latin but please realize that I'm calling myself out too, and tbh most of the horribly pretentious things I made Akechi say are self-callouts
> 
> I'm not gonna like. talk abt how I decided on every single person's typing style but Imo the two most important things to share are: Goro and Haru are the only people who use the sparkling heart emoji on purpose, and Makoto's phone does autocapitalize the first word of every sentence but she goes back and edits it to lower case letters because she wants to seem cool and casual (this is also a self-callout)
> 
> anyway thanks for reading my first 1) chatfic 2) fic in this fandom 3) multi-chapter fic that I actually finished, if you want more of my content watch this space for the other Persona fics that I'm writing or follow me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/selkie_au_lover)


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